80 Years of Belief
My Beliefs from a Lifetime of Living
A few days ago I started making a list of things I believe.
Not theological beliefs. Not political beliefs. Not even the sort of beliefs that get debated over coffee or defended on social media.
They were the things life itself has taught me after nearly eighty years of stumbling around on this planet trying to figure things out.
The funny thing is that I didn’t set out to write a list. I was simply reflecting on a lifetime of mistakes, surprises, losses, fresh starts, and a few moments of grace that arrived when I least expected them.
Before long, a pattern began to emerge.
The pattern wasn’t about success. It was about being human.
And being human, as it turns out, is much messier than I expected when I was young.
When I was twenty, I thought life would unfold in a fairly orderly fashion. If I made good decisions, worked hard, and treated people well, things would generally work out.
Looking back, I smile at the innocence of that young woman. She had no idea what was coming. She had no idea that marriages can end, bodies can fail, dreams can change shape, and plans can disappear overnight.
Nor did she understand how often she would have to begin again.
Worth of an Individual
Perhaps that is why one of the strongest beliefs I hold today is that every person has worth, regardless of what has happened in their life.
That sounds simple enough until you try to live it.
It’s easy to believe in human worth when someone is successful, productive, pleasant, and making good choices.
It becomes more challenging when someone is struggling with addiction, sleeping under a tarp by the river, or carrying all their possessions in a shopping cart down a city street.
I often find myself wondering what story brought them there.
Then I wonder something even more uncomfortable. If our circumstances had been reversed, would I have done any better?
I am not always sure.
There is an old saying, “There but for the grace of God go I.”
The older I become, the less I hear that as a pious statement and the more I hear it as a simple truth.
Much of life comes down to circumstances we did not choose, opportunities we did not create, and people who helped us when we could not help ourselves.
The woman sleeping beneath a tarp possesses no less worth than the person sleeping in a waterfront home.
She may have fewer resources. She may have made choices I would not have made. But worth and success are not the same thing.
Somewhere along the way we got those confused.
The same thing happens when we turn our attention inward.
The Problem of ‘Shoulds’
Many of us spend years carrying around a heavy sack of “shoulds.” I should know better by now. I should have more money. I should weigh less. I should be farther along. I should have figured this out years ago.
The word “should” has probably caused more suffering in my life than any actual failure ever did.
When a toddler falls while learning to walk, nobody says, “Honestly, you should have mastered this by now.”
We laugh, clap, pick them up, and encourage them to try again.
Yet adults can be absolutely ruthless with themselves. We fall down and immediately hear an inner voice about why we should not have fallen in the first place.
What if growing older is partly about laying down some of those impossible expectations?
What if wisdom has less to do with perfection and more to do with compassion?
I suspect that may be true.
Learning to Begin Again
If there is a theme running through my life, it might be the phrase “begin again.”
I have begun again after relationships ended. I have begun again after illness changed what I could do. I have begun again professionally, spiritually, and emotionally more times than I care to count.
None of those new beginnings felt noble at the time.
Most felt terrifying.
Yet when I look back, I can see that every significant chapter of my life began with the ending of another one.
Aging itself is teaching me this lesson once again. There are things I can no longer do easily. There are dreams that no longer fit.
There are identities I have had to release. I used to think these changes were losses alone. Now I wonder if they are also invitations.
An invitation to ask, “Who am I now?”
Not who I was.
Not who I hoped to be.
Who am I now?
That question continues to unfold.
Belief in the Power of Gratitude
One of the practices that anchors me is gratitude.
Every morning I write a list in a small notebook. Some entries are ordinary: good sleep, sunshine, squawking crows, a conversation with a friend. Some days the list is harder to find.
Yet I keep writing.
I am not grateful for illness. I am not grateful for grief. I am not grateful for disappointment.
But I am grateful for what I have discovered while walking through those territories.
I am grateful for the people who showed up.
I am grateful for strengths I didn’t know I possessed.
I am grateful for the reminder that life can still be meaningful, even when it is difficult.
Perhaps that is the deepest lesson gratitude has taught me. Life does not have to be perfect to be precious.
The Questions That Remain
As I approach eighty, I have fewer answers than I once imagined I would.
What I have instead are a handful of convictions earned through living.
- People matter.
- Kindness matters.
- Curiosity matters.
- Beginning again matters.
And knowing yourself, really knowing yourself, may be one of the most important tasks of a lifetime.
The surprising thing is that I am still learning who that self is.
Apparently that work is not finished yet.
And for that, I find myself strangely grateful.
A Question for You
As you look back over your own life, what belief has survived the disappointments, detours, and surprises? What lesson has life taught you again and again?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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