Dekker Gives Advice to People with Questions
Once a month Dekker gives advice to readers (and sometimes their cats) for wise living from a canine perspective.
What follows are his reflections on several problems humans live with. He reminds people he is not a therapist, nor a lawyer.
He is a Dawg.
One hundred percent Dawg – although his owner suspects there is a piece of Divinity in his soul.
But then, isn’t that typical of most pet owners? What follows are his responses to what was in his mailbag recently.
- Alice wants to be more cheerful in spite of the pandemic.
- Benjamin asks how to be supportive of another person.
- Claire seldom knows how to act in certain situations
- Deborah’s children spark a question about pretending to be someone else
- Eben wonders about memories.
Dear Dekker,
I’m finding it hard to stay positive with
all the uncertainty around the pandemic.
How do you stay so cheerful?
Thank you, Alice
Woof – Alice – Are you still living in yesterday, when the pandemic had everything locked down? Or are you living with fears about tomorrow wondering what to do if things don’t get better? You will feel better if you choose one place in time and live there.
. I live in this moment only! In this moment I know that I have someone who loves me, I trust them to feed me, I get to snuggle with them. I can smell supper. I can feel the sun when I go out. And the rain on my fur. Woof! And I can curl up beside someone I love. Does anything else matter?
Dear Dekker,
I want to be of support to the people
around me. You are a support dog.
How did you learn to be such good support?
Thank you, Benjamin
Woof, Benny! Learning to support people is not easy. I had a lot of training. I went to prison for almost a year and a half to learn what I know. I don’t recommend prison for you.
I had to learn to listen. And one of the ways I was taught to listen was with kibble. I heard the trainers speak of “positive reinforcement.”
I am not sure what that means, but every time I did my job right I got a piece of kibble. Give me a piece of kibble or scratch my ears and I listen really well.
What you may need to feel supportive is the skill of listening. People probably won’t scratch your ears, but you can reward yourself with a bit of kibble when you are able to be still and quiet enough for them to feel heard.
Dear Dekker,
I often find it difficult to know how to act in certain situations.
How do you know exactly what your person needs?
Thank you, Claire
Woof woof! The simple answer is to wait and see. Every situation is different. Sometimes I am expected to lie down and be quiet and other times I am expected to bark and call for help.
Sometimes I am expected to pick up something that fell on the floor and sometimes I am supposed to ‘leave it’.
It is difficult to know without being alert, listening and the secret key – love.
It is easier to listen with love.
I use my nose to sniff out interesting smells too, like when she is afraid, or lonely. and I can smell a few others things too.
Like when she needs a clean pair of socks, but I don’t bring her any unless she asks. That would be rude. Knowing what someone needs and rushing to fix it without being asked can get me in trouble.
Dear Dekker,
My children are always playing dress-up and
pretending to be someone else?
Do you ever think about
being another kind of dog?
Thank you, Deborah
Woof Deborah, woof! No, not since I was a pup and I thought I wanted to be a human.
I wanted to eat their food, sleep in their bed, and play ball all day. I thought it would be pretty neat to be a human but not any more. They worry too much.
I do have a dog-friend, though, who is a tiny Boston Terrier and he thinks he is a giant bull mastiff.
No one told him that 25 pounds won’t stop people, or dogs, or cats from invading his territory.
And I live with two cats who periodically think they are trapeze artists or hockey players.
They play ‘let’s pretend’ in old cardboard boxes and sometimes dress up in clothes left lying around.
Me? I am happy being a dawg.
Dear Dekker,
I’ve been cleaning out some closets and found a box
of old photos that brought back memories.
Do you have any special memories
of times with your person?
Thank you, Eben
Woof woof! The thing about memories, Eben, is I only remember when I can smell or taste or see from what was past. My memories are all stored in my body – the smells, the voice, the touch – and so I don’t need boxes.
I was not given a box with things from my prison years because it would be difficult to let those smells go and I wouldn’t be moving forward well with my new person at all.
I watch people hang onto photos and journals as if they were bones. Meaty bones at that. I wonder how they can taste today when they are gnawing on yesterday so much, but people seem to get a lot of pleasure from these old bones.
I have a wonderful memory for things like what happens right after supper (I get to go out) and how to behave when my jacket goes on.
These things I remember because they are about my present day. Woof Woof. Thank you for reminding me that it is OK to let the past go and really appreciate what I have today.
