Difficulty Sleeping?
Do you have difficulty sleeping? I have had an off and on again relationship with the sandman since I was a child. I still carry this image of an old man sprinkling sand in someone’s eyes.
Don’t ask me why someone ever thought putting gritty, dirty sand in your eyes causes sleep!!
Over the years, sleep has been an inconsistent partner. You know the saying “can’t live with it, can’t live without it.” Finally after decades I have made my peace with sleep and this is what I learned in the process.
What I know about sleep
Sleep really does care for me.
Sleep wants to be recognized, treasured, and respected.
But sleep is a fickle lover.
I used to think sleep was an enemy…always calling me to itself and then backing away.
Talk about passive aggressive! Sleep would dare me to put my head on the pillow, shut my eyes and wait for it to come to me.
I did that….every night. But it was a date that Sleep seldom kept.
Would you stay in a relationship like that? If Sleep were a new fella you just met I don’t imagine you would invite him back again. After getting stood up on that first date, maybe you would try again but certainly you wouldn’t make a lifetime of entertaining such an irresponsible partner.
Sleep across the years
When I was young, I often sent Sleep on his way. “Go visit my grandmother…she needs you more than I do.”
When I was in college the lure of an ‘all nighter’ was a satisfactory substitution for Sleep who didn’t want to spend time with me anyway.
However, the next night Sleep would return. We might get along for awhile.
I know I have always had some bad habits, but it is nothing like what Sleep brings to the bedroom.
Often Sleep would play night long movies that made no sense whatsoever. Sometimes Sleep would get up and leave for no apparent reason. Did I offend him? Who was the pushy one here?
Did Sleep get up and leave because I was too distracted with other things…or partners?
I know I entertained a lot the night before. Perhaps it was the heavy meal or it might have been the stimulation of listening to all the stories of my company at supper.
In any case, I ticked off Sleep and he vanished into the night air leaving me alone with a snoring cat and the light of the moon filtering through the window shades.
As I grew older Sleep and I came to an understanding. He would stay if I would break up with the heavy eating and soulless carousing.
Agreed.
My life became a lot tamer. I limited my involvement with Work, stopped going out with Heavy Foods, and didn’t keep Sleep waiting so long in the evening.
Sleep returned…for a season.
A menage e trois
Have you ever been in a relationship that always gave you a headache? Well, Sleep and I must have been quarreling although I have no memory of that.
However, each morning, my head would pound like a mallet on a tympani. Every time I sat at my desk to get some work done, Sleep would return!
He didn’t care if I had work to do or even if I was stopped at a red light. Sleep was not a respecter of my lifestyle!
He might even interrupt a conversation with a friend. “Now!” he demanded. “I want your attention now!” And I would nod off as surely as if I had taken a sleep drug.
I needed to do something.
This is serious, a doctor explained after reviewing the test results of a full night in the sleep lab. He explained that I was not breathing when Sleep came to visit.
This is the last straw! I really don’t want Sleep if he is going be abusive like this. I have become quite fond of Breathing.
Breathing has been a companion my entire life, and has never been as fickle as Sleep. I soon found myself confronting Sleep with what is called continuous positive air pressure…a machine I was going to have to befriend if I was to be hospitable enough to Sleep so he would stick around.
I have mixed feelings about my CPAP. But deep in my heart, I truly love Sleep, and if this was going to make him stick around in my life I decided I could do this. So now there are three of us each night…me, CPAP, and Sleep. Most nights.
Hiring a sleep detective
While learning to be hospitable to Sleep, I added a ring that watches what goes on in my body throughout the night.
Sort of like a hidden camera that spies on would-be burglars, this ring shows me the dirty little secrets of what Sleep is getting away with in the night. I thought we had a pretty good relationship until I started to spy on Sleep.
Apparently, Sleep likes to come and go, acting like a fish. It likes to dive deep and return to the surface.
Sleep dances like this all night long. Sleep opens the door to dreaming (and here I thought my dreams were a secret), and Sleep even monkeys with my heart rate.
Or maybe I should blame it on the Dreams he lets in? I now have a veritable community of guests in the night, including CPAP, Dreams, and this busybody called Sleep.
After decades of arguing with Sleep, we have come to an understanding. Sleep has decided to be consistent as long as I am faithful with the CPAP. Talk about a triangle!
The only things I struggle with now are cats, a dog, and a parade of ideas about what to write next for a blog post. I smile. We have all learned to coexist peacefully.
If you have ever struggled with sleep feel welcome to share in the comments. You may want to hire your own sleep detective.
Sleep isn’t the only thing TheReflectivePen talks about…
