Meaning and Purpose in Aging and Loss
You know what they say, don’t you? “Life’s a journey, not a destination.” We all are sailing on this vast sea of life, but as the years slip by, we start to understand the weight that this journey carries. Today I am going to focus on the meaning and purpose that come after losses.
So buckle up! I don’t know how rough this ride will get.
Aging: The Unstoppable Current
Time waits for no one – it’s a harsh reality, but one that is as inevitable as a sunrise. When I look in the mirror I notice my hair getting lighter in color…not yet white (I would love that), but I am not enjoying that it is getting thin and my teeth are getting loose.
Growing older is a part of life’s cycle that we often sweep under the carpet. We are so enamored with youth, that we sometimes forget the beauty that aging can bring – the wisdom, the experiences, and the lessons.
But it’s no bed of roses; aging also presents its set of issues that demand our attention.
The Impact of Physical Changes
It’s no secret that as we age, our bodies go through significant transformations. These changes can affect our quality of life and even our sense of identity.
I identify white hair with some especially wise and beautiful people in my life and so for it to change is a welcome event, but the wrinkles and prospect of more serious health complications can often make aging feel like a bitter pill to swallow.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Getting older isn’t just about physical changes. It also brings along an emotional carousel. It’s like that old song by Cat Stevens, “The First Cut is the Deepest.” Losses hit harder and can lead to feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and lack of purpose. I picture kids on a trampoline and say “Of, course…the younger we are, the better we bounce!”
When I set out to write this article about the complexities of aging, I thought, “Well, this should be simple enough. Just write about my journey. I qualify.”
However the more I delve into the complexities, the more I find layers way beneath the surface. From physical and emotional changes to societal expectations and stereotypes, the issues are deep and multifaceted. I shall only touch the surface here…
The Loss of Loved Ones
Have you noticed that the older you get, the more funerals you attend? The later stages of life are often characterized by the loss of loved ones. With each goodbye, a part of us can seem to wither away, leaving us grappling with grief and seeking solace in memories.
This is why it becomes more and more important to add ‘hellos’ to new, younger friends. It doesn’t take away the hurt but helps us keep connected when so many of our current connections are broken.
Coping with loneliness and loss
In the wake of such loss, loneliness often creeps in, a constant companion that feels as real as the chair you’re sitting on. Many of us (older adults) find ourselves in empty nests, companions and contemporaries no longer a phone call away.
This is not a simple discomfort solved by a good night’s sleep. Often a good night’s sleep isn’t even an option.
Loss is a bitter part of the aging process, but it’s not the end of the road. It’s just a speed bump, slowing us down, forcing us to pause and reflect.
Today I am reflecting on the power of grief, for I just returned from sitting with a friend who lost their spouse. Grief, in many ways, is the price we pay for love.
It’s a testament to the bonds we’ve formed, the relationships we’ve nurtured, and the people we’ve cherished.
Understanding grief in this way puts a value on it that I hadn’t thought of before. And when I think of the things that I have been willing to pay a lot for in my lifetime…houses, land, education…I remember how I treasure what was purchased, though the cost was high.
Grief as gold. Hmmm…I shall ponder this.
The Transformation of Loss
Transforming loss into strength is akin to a phoenix rising from the ashes. It’s about using our experiences to grow and evolve, finding meaning in the process.
I would love someone to tell me exactly how to transform this precious golden grief into a monument of joy.
Pure gold can be melted and reshaped, but it takes vision and the steadiness of a skilled artisan.
Perhaps grief follows a similar path. One of my greatest losses was the death of my father when I was in my early 30s. It took years for my grief to melt away and become reshaped into a gem of fond memory.
But it did change. And I changed with it. I grew stronger and more compassionate as I trekked through valleys of anger and despair that today are distant memories.
Building a Legacy
So is there meaning and purpose in those losses that bring grief? One thing I learned in my journey of grief after my father’s death was that I want to leave a lasting legacy, not of pain and despair, but of transformation and love.
And I plan to do that through storytelling, for if there is anything I wish my father had left me is stories he never got around to sharing before it was too late.
Part of my legacy will be story, not of debilitation and aging, but of discovering gold in the least likely of places. One thing I have learned is that mining gold is slow. Tedious. Purposeful. And painful.
The Quest for Purpose and Meaning
All through life I have asked the question “What’s the meaning? Is there purpose in this?” This question calls me to go forth with my eyes open, and my heart prepared for answers that elude my limited thinking.
In the wake of difficult changes that come with illness or aging, have you asked yourself “What’s the purpose?” I find if I ask this with a pen in my hand my journal is faithful to lead me through my laments to pure gold.
It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack – difficult, but not impossible. I shall not stop seeking that needle, for it’s in having a purpose that I greet each day with expectation and joy. I hope you join me on this journey. And please share your process that may help another who is struggling.
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