How Old Is Old Enough?
Did you ever wonder how old is old enough? When I was two years old, I was not old enough to go to school with my six-year-old sister.
When I was six, I found a baby bottle that hadn’t yet been stored, and I wanted to drink from it. My mother adamantly stated, “You are too old for that!”
When my sister began to date, and I thought that would be fun, again, I was told I wasn’t old enough to date. Nor was I old enough to babysit or learn to drive. I did get to cook and clean and do laundry.
There seems to be no age limitation on household chores…on either end of life’s spectrum. I still get to cook, clean, and do laundry.
I remember when I was thirteen, I wanted to be fifteen.
When I was eighteen, I wanted to be twenty-one.
When I was twenty-five, I thought I would be more ‘grown-up’ at thirty.
Suddenly Sixty
I am not sure when my desire to be older came to a halt, but there was a period in my life I didn’t think about aging much at all. Then I turned sixty.
I was alone and sitting in rehab out of state. Briefly, let me say it marked a major turning point and was especially poignant because it was the only birthday I really wanted to celebrate with others, and here I sat on a Sunday in a lonely rehab without even a tiny cupcake on my tray. You can listen to that story here…(8 min.)
What is it about pivotal birthdays?
There is not one of us who will escape growing older as long as we are alive. The question I wonder is, “How old is old?”
Follow me as I explore this question with well-known people who have given aging some thought.
Lucille Ball
The first is Lucille Ball, who said The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball was a great storyteller and comedian who understood the importance of laughter amid challenging circumstances…and aging can be one of them.
I am not a proponent of lying, preferring a stance of non-attachment. Let’s face it, lying about our age doesn’t stop the process at all. But being able to laugh along the way can ease the pain.
Mark Twain
I think Mark Twain hit it on the nose when he wrote Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
When we go to a physical therapist to learn how to walk with feet that no longer listen to our brain, often the predominating feeling isn’t “O goodie! Now I can use a walker and travel three times as far as I could before!”
More commonly, there is shame, denial, and refusal to love something for which a one-year-old would clap his hands in joy.
George Burns
I could have written these words of George Burns: I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren’t what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
I look around me, and all my friends and family are aging. Even my sons are now grandfathers!
I am just myself.
I don’t know what others see…perhaps my shoulders starting to round, some wrinkles when I smile, and my hair getting thin on top. I went to my fifty-seventh class reunion and was shocked that I went to school with so many old people!
So what is the impact of failing to recognize aging when we live it every day? Every moment?
Fear
When I live in denial of anything, it is as if I bolted the front door so truth won’t enter and left the back door wide open for the cold winds of fear to rush in.
I fear the frailties and cognitive changes of old age, while wisdom guides me to use a cane and use (read: exercise) my mind in many ways.
One of those ways is with an app called Elevate, which exercises my brain in teeny steps. It’s even fun! And I play the NYT word games Spelling Bee and Wordle every morning before getting out of bed.
But there is a deeper, less obvious impact of failing to recognize aging while we are in the middle of it.
We may think we are maximizing life by clinging to our memories of yesterday but piece by piece, we close the doors that lead to new adventures. Our vision stops short of the horizon as we fill in what we fear beyond the skyline.
Courage
If I could pull a genie out of my pocket who grants me a single wish, I would ask for the courage to live a full life regardless of the limitations of aging.
I want to know how to have stiff joints and cloudy vision work for me instead of against me.
I want to go on hikes where I can smell the fresh air, touch mosses growing on trees, and hear the distant ocean waves lapping against the rocks.
My limitations, some from living with MS and some from old age… (yikes! Did I just say what I think I said?!)…give me a built-in way to exercise my brain as I ponder how to keep on keeping on.
To that end I have become a collector and user, if not a connoisseur, of a series of devices that accommodate my new body. These are ‘toys’ I would never have thought to choose for myself when I was younger.
Yes, they accommodate a need related to my aging body, but as I think about it, I have been accommodating that since I was a toddler and crossed the floor on my hands and knees.
First a carriage pushed by another, then a trike I learned to pedal, then a bike taught me how to keep my balance, and later an auto got me where I needed to go in a hurry.
I still like to move faster than my two feet move. I try to think like a toddler and reach out for a shiny new toy.
My choices are not to move and grumble about it vs. lift the door to freedom and keep on moving. I turn heads wherever I go, but the looks I get are seldom the dreaded pity stare. People ask me what my bike is called; I tell them it is an Alinker. (Take a look at it here! You may be lucky enough to have one in your future!)
This winter, I will use my treadmill with the Alinker fastened to its frame.
We come from many different places with many different likes, dislikes, fears, and joys. But one thing is certain. We are all getting older— if we are lucky.
I wonder what toys are in your future?
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