Introvert or Extrovert and Spirituality
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Does this impact your spirituality? And how does your personality change, if it does, as you grow older?
These are the questions I woke up with this morning.
I believe what may have prompted these thoughts is an upcoming luncheon with a half dozen schoolmates which is sure to bring up my adolescent insecurities.
When I was fifteenish, there were friends who have since shared that they thought I was a nerd, or that I thought I was ‘too good’ for them.
We had little understanding of personality traits in those days. You were either “in” or “out” socially.
Today there is more knowledge. Most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum from introversion to extroversion, and precious few land in the middle. We call them ambiverts.
The energy field
Introversion is not the same as shyness, though it may be mistaken for that.
A shy introvert may spend all her time in the study carrels in the library, while a shy extrovert would study in the student union hoping not to be interrupted.
I like to think of introversion or extroversion as energy fields that vibrate differently for each of us. If I step into a crowd of people I feel hammered by ‘something’ that makes me want to nod, smile…and split.
My friend who is an extreme extrovert feels the same way when invited to meditate alone and in silence for more than a few minutes.
Introvert or Extrovert is an inborn trait
I realize, now that I am in my seventies, most of the angst of adolescence, feelings of not being accepted, or shunned, or being very popular and craving more, has to do with traits we were born with.
And to a large extent, how we express ourselves is based on where we are on the I-E spectrum. I wish they had taught this along with home economics and algebra in junior high school.
Part of the aging process is learning how to express our hidden side.
I took up trumpet playing when I was quite young, and I discovered I could “pass” as an extrovert by the very nature of the instrument, which can be loud and obnoxious. I got pretty good at it.
When I went into ministry, I learned two things right off the bat: first of all, statistically, most ministers are introverts, and secondly, theology school does nothing to prepare an introvert for church suppers and fairs! (I learned to ‘pass’ there, too.)
I need to mention just a few misconceptions before I go on in the hopes that if you have ever felt judged or misunderstood, you might be able to breathe a bit easier.
Are Introverts shy?
There is a popular idea that introverts are shy and antisocial–they do not like people and are always quiet and reserved. Well, I blow that misconception away every time I play “The Saints Go Marching In,” but this is exactly how I felt judged as a teenager.
I have been guilty of believing that extroverts are outgoing, confident, and don’t need time alone, so they must be more shallow spiritually. Fortunately, my life has an abundance of deeply thinking extroverts in it today who have delivered me from that misunderstanding.
I have also learned that it is wrong to say that people are either introverts or extroverts. We are both! Often, we ignore one in favor of the other.
Maturity brings balance to our personality, and it is wrong to assume that these traits are unchangeable. Some things, like a crowded room for an introvert, take a bit longer and a lot of practice, while silent retreats for an extrovert can be life-changing once they are able to embrace their introvert side.
So, how do these personality traits affect our spirituality,
especially as we grow older?
Our insights and/or self-reflection are an outgrowth of our personality. If you had a couple of hours to spare, would you prefer to spend it in contemplation, or would you rather serve at a homeless shelter, supporting people who are struggling?
I often think about the fact that our globe is spherical, i.e., easily unbalanced. Now, stay with me here. I am not changing the subject.
What I observe is that in order to keep our world balanced, there needs to be equal and opposite forces at all times. When there is too much rain, there is death and destruction everywhere; when there is drought, there is no harvest, and starvation is rampant.
When I was young, and only my introverted self reigned, I was like this globe, perhaps in the drought. I had friends who left to their own devices, would have turned the world into one large party and literally ‘blown’ it away.
How you think about the problem of imbalance in this world, whether that is weather, politics, or economics, is an outgrowth of your basic personality. How would your thinking change if you called forth your ‘opposite’ side?
The challenge for growth
That, to me, is the call of aging spiritually. As long as I declare I am a full-blown introvert, I will never really hear you, my extroverted friend.
It isn’t easy, this challenge to embrace the desert for an extrovert or to ride the winds for an introvert. But it is important if we are to bring balance (read: healing) to our world.
Now I realize world peace isn’t as simple as stretching ourselves out on the introvert-extrovert scale! But inner peace is possible.
During times of great unrest, and we have had several in these last few years, I believe anything we can practice gives us another inch of hope, a tiny decibel of voice, another path through the wilderness.
If you have thoughts about this, I would love to hear them…especially if you consider yourself an extrovert.
Please tell me where to send the next issue of The ReflectivePen
