Will you be having fun when you are old?
Having fun when…
Is having fun possible when you reach a point in life where every joint aches, you can’t hear conversations and you forget everyone’s name and who is President?
The question is not if fun is possible. Fun is like air. It’s there.
But do we inhale fun or are we in so much pain that our breaths are shallow and our vision is limited?
Ideas about Aging
What are your preconceived ideas about aging? Do you know where they came from? When I was about 10 years old I made profound observations of the world around me – something which became a habit I have never learned to break — and I decided all mothers were forty, all grandmothers were 60 and after that, you die.
These ideas took root and left me wondering about the definition of ‘old’ and when it applies. I have already out-lived my parents and grandparents and I do not yet feel old.
I suppose it depends on what gets measured. If you count years I qualify in my seventies for ‘senior’ status and certain statistical criteria for the elderly.
But if it were possible to measure my heart with something besides an EKG you would find I am not much older on the inside than I was at ten.
And if that is true, my ten-year-old self can tell you a whole lot about having fun. She believes that fun is one of the purposes of life and when people despair because of hard times it is because they have forgotten how to have fun.
What is the main purpose of having fun?
I might as well ask, “What is the purpose of breathing?’
We cannot survive without it.
Oxygen fills our cells with the strength to climb mountains where the air can get very thin. Climbers learn to conserve so they can keep breathing – so they can get to the peak of their adventure.
Fun also gives our bodies strength for whatever journey we are on, and yet we often make it an afterthought. “I’ll have some fun as soon as my chores are done”.
And of course, there is no end to cleaning, cooking, paying bills, and working hard to do so.
A little child teaches us about fun
Have you ever watched a baby with a bowl of oatmeal? or even better – cake with frosting! It is all about fun.
Now, I know he is involved in learning and developing as he reaches for a spoon, banging on his highchair to hear the sound it makes.
Dipping his spoon into his breakfast, he soon discovers how gravity and oatmeal call to each other.
Fun literally explodes his tiny soul as he begins to paint his world with oatmeal –or frosting. And laugh.
He is not measuring his adventure by the mess it makes. It is all about the experience. About learning. Who knows what thoughts are whirling around in his tiny head.
We who must clean up the mess don’t call this fun…but we could.
When having fun gets judged
If I re-label the disasters and failures in my life, I can see them as learning events, as discovery tools, as fun!
I don’t want to reveal how many courses I have taken over the years that behaved like oatmeal.
I tried art, flinging paint on a canvas just to see what it would do. Fun. Until someone said I was creating a mess and tried to show me the “right” way to paint.
I tried dancing, flinging my body around in the dark by myself.
The thing about the baby with the birthday cake, he hasn’t yet acquired the burden of shame and judgement.
To him, food is fun. Period.
Then I took up writing. I pretty much do the same thing, except now I fling words on a page.
I don’t do it to win a Pulitzer Prize. I don’t write because someone expects me to.
When no one is looking I’ll take a pile of nouns, a few verbs, sprinkle them with adjectives and toss them together on the page. I do it because it is fun! When it stops being fun, I’ll find a new way to do it. A way that makes me smile.
Perhaps I’ll write totally with adverbs. Totally. Or collect antique pens. Or write haiku. Or send postcards.
I will find some way that I can fling words out into the universe. I have reached a point where I no longer have to do it in the dark because I no longer hang onto shame for enjoying life.
When fun gets difficult
As we age, if we don’t adapt to the changes in our bodies, in our living situations, or in our relationships, we may have the desperate feeling that life is no longer fun.
The problem is not in living with limits, managing pain, or choking on grief.
The problem is believing that fun isn’t welcome in these situations.
But like the air we breathe, if we don’t find a way to have fun, to pipe it in if we must, like oxygen, then we will surely die. Long before our expiration date!
The shame of having fun
The usual reason I stop doing what gives me joy, if I trace it back to its roots, is shame.
“What will people think if I enjoy this joke?! My husband just died!”
“What will the neighbors say if they see me using a walker?
“My mother will turn over in her grave if I ___________(fill in the blank).
Does it really matter what other people think?
I suppose if what gave me the most fun was illegal, they probably need to weigh in. So yes…I have driven over the speed limit and thought it was fun at the time and a policeman told me exactly what he thought…and handed me a $200 ticket to make his point.
It isn’t fun anymore.
Indiscriminate fun, that which may be at the cost of another’s health, safety, or happiness is not what I am talking about.
Finding new sources of fun
Simple fun, however, is what we often let go of, especially as we begin to experience some of the limits of aging.
Downhill skiing may need to stop. But visiting the slopes and drinking hot mulled cider with friends doesn’t demand that you ski.
Expensive shopping trips to keep up with fashion may have been your joy in a time when finances weren’t so tight. Have you ever really explored nice thrift shops or yard sales?
I bought a name-brand coat easily worth $150 for two bucks. Let me tell you, I had fun!
Sometimes (just for fun!) I make a list of things I used to enjoy as a child and ask myself, “How can I still enjoy ____________?”
When I find myself resisting, I ask myself “Is it worth the air I breathe to give up what brings me joy?”
To help you get started I made a list of ten ideas about having fun that you can download here.
Enjoy life and have some fun today!
