How to Have Gratitude When Life is Difficult
I have written before about living with a chronic illness and my unwillingness to fight it, but I am not sure I communicated my gratitude for it’s presence in my life. Allow me to begin with a story…
I lived in a small town, just down the road from a group of senior apartments arranged in a semicircle. I received word that the management was looking for someone to collect rents and I applied for the job.
I knew I was qualified and I could really use the extra income.
Imagine my shock when I was turned down.
When I called the chairman he told me “although you are the most qualified applicant, the board is concerned because of your mobility issues.”
I often used a 3 wheeled scooter and these apartments had a cement slab porch running the length of them.
Listen to me sputter!!!
Had they not considered what they would do if a resident developed mobility challenges? Were they unaware of the law?
This story went all the way to the state capital with an appeal which I won easily, but the point is how my limitations at the time (I was in my late 20’s) became a lever to open doors (literally) for others.
I learned that I didn’t have to be able to stand to ‘stand up’ for what is right.
Never in this ordeal did I come from a place of ‘fighting’ for rights.
Instead I saw a situation in which a dozen people lived at risk of not being able to stay in their home if they needed to use a wheelchair. Nor could they invite friends who use one.
A problem that is easily solved by a three foot ramp.
Or so I thought.
I had a lot of learning to do about what really stops us as human beings from keeping the doors open for everyone.
Where gratitude fits here
I learned at an early age that the difficulty we have with the limitations of any health challenge extend far deeper than access to the front door.
I saw the depth and breadth of how fear and shame keep people much more paralyzed than having a stroke, more limited than breaking a hip, and less able to function than if they had severe arthritis.
I am grateful for learning this lesson at a young age, because it helped me grow with compassion when I felt mostly judgment.
I became an advocate for people with disabilities and later entered ministry with passion to empower people to access something much deeper than a door at the top of a step.
Being grateful for the journey
Over the next few decades I, like many people, experienced one loss after another. And I am grateful for the journey, because without losses I would not be where I am today.
Of course I couldn’t see this along the way, but that is one of the defining characteristics of youth. A certain blindness or innocence about life.
In the years when all my friends and neighbors were building a ‘life’, ie a home with family…and mortgage, climbing a career ladder and saving for the future, I was learning to live in the present, to savor moments, to find beauty in the mundane, and to grow in wisdom through my failures.
I wish I knew how to give this to all the people I meet who, with aging, are beginning to travel a path of loss and limitations.
One secret of gratitude
The secret is in having a practice of gratitude…not only for sunrises and flowers, but for dark stormy nights and skunks.
Gratitude is a transformative gift. It turns what we fear and want to run away from into something we can embrace and hold with pride.
Would that be like false teeth? Waning strength? Profound grief? Don’t misunderstand me! I am not saying I am grateful for MS. Nor am I grateful for my aging bones.
I am talking about gratefulness as a mindset.
A way of holding what is difficult with compassion and acceptance.
A way of recognizing all the gifts that I have, a result, in part, from my losses and sorrows.
A way of seeing through the dark knowing the light is on its way.
When I want to point to what has kept me as well as I feel today, what has opened doors and created ramps to wonderful things, my answer would be the mindset of gratitude.
Three ways to practice gratitude
Gratitude is like any muscle…it can be exercised and strengthened. Here is a short list of things I do to sustain a mindset of gratitude, especially when things are all going wrong.
1.Every morning and evening I take a journal and list three things I am grateful for. I try to never repeat anything for at least 30 days. It only takes a a couple of minutes. One of my favorite journals for doing this is The Gratitude Journal, a best seller that takes less than 5 minutes a day!
2. I express my gratitude to people who have blessed me in any way. Sometimes I write a note, other times I thank them in person, and sometimes I will tell of their kindness to people who they have never met but who would be blessed by knowing the story.
3. I practice guided meditation for gratitude. I don’t do this as frequently as I used to, but I know it is there if I am having trouble remembering my blessings. A favorite app I use for that is called “Insight Timer.” It can be installed on your phone and offers a lot of free guided meditations.
In this moment I am grateful that you are reading this article, I am filled with awe for all the tech gurus who make digital communication a reality and I smile for the privelege of hearing from total strangers, something that seldom happened before the advent of the internet.
The gift of gratitude
A gratitude mindset balances the sorrows and losses in life, opens doors to possibilities and provides a bridge to cross over the many streams of difficulties that we all face, sooner or later.
May your life be touched by the gift of gratitude today.
If you would like to begin a practice of gratitude, pick up your free copy of a 31 Day Gratitude Journal and begin today!
I am grateful for everyone who reads TheReflectivePen.
Will you join these many happy readers?
