How to pray for your enemies
How do you pray for your enemies?
I have a confession to make. I find it difficult to pray for my enemies – people I abhor for good reason. I even fall short of praying for people I love.
My intention is there, but often the words are not.
Then I heard about a practice called metta.
This is a simple 4-step loving-kindness meditation I first learned from an Episcopal priest who had grown up with missionary parents in Japan.
It was from him that I discovered not everyone ‘prays’ in the traditional ‘Now I lay me down to sleep’ way.
I turn to this meditation throughout my day when I want to pray for people…especially people I don’t know. And when I want to pray for my enemies.
I am not at all skilled with prayers of invocation (asking for things) and confess that I struggle with printed prayers of all kinds that are foundational to many religions.
Somehow a prayer written hundreds of years ago doesn’t have the grip I need to feel that it is a prayer of my own heart.
Poetic, yes.
Relevant? Sometimes.
A prayer of my own heart? Seldom.
Loving-kindness meditation is a combination of four simple statements which I repeat quietly, letting the spirit bring the needs, the people, and the situations into a sacred space. I have used this meditation when sitting as well as walking, and it is a perfect rhythm for going to sleep.
So what is this meditation called metta, and how does it work to change the world, or my perspectives, or even my sleep?
What is Metta
The basic teaching of metta is that all humans have the same needs for safety, well-being and freedom from suffering. Even our enemies.
The goal is to cultivate kindness towards yourself, other people and even animals— and to develop unconditional positive emotions toward all, even those who are abhorrent to us.
How is this possible?
I like to think a practice that allows me to feel benevolent even to tyrants is like the sun which does not differentiate upon whom it will shine. Both lilies and weeds are warmed and nourished.
The sun does not have to decide who is worthy. Nor do I when I engage in metta, or lovingkindness, meditation.
Some teachers of metta say to sit on a cushion with your back straight and focus on your breathing.
Great if you can do it.
I feel the same way about praying on your knees. These old bones gave all that up long ago.
I am most comfortable sitting in a rocking chair, or going for a walk along a wooded path, or even washing dishes.
What these activities give me is rhythm in which I become aware of each inhale and exhale.
I breathe with the back and forth of the rocker, the slow pace of my feet, or the rubbing of a glass with a towel.
I can add the words of metta meditation to this rhythm and for the next 20 minutes or so I enter a sacred space of lovingkindness for those who have come along with me as they appear in my heart space.
The four categories in metta.
Goodwill towards yourself
You begin by asking goodwill for yourself with a series of four statements similar to these:
May I be safe
May I be healthy
May I be at peace
May I live my life with ease.
You can expound on these to say something like: ‘safe and protected from all harm’; ‘strong and healthy and enjoy well-being’; live with joy and ease’.
I stick to the simple phrase because each line matches the pace of my inhale and exhale as well as the rhythm of any repetitive motion.
Goodwill towards friends and ‘neutral beings’
The next round of metta is directed to friends. As I hold a special person in my heart I repeat the four statements, using their name…May [name] be safe, May [name] be happy, etc.
Each step in this process moves me farther away from what is easy toward what is more difficult.
Thus the third round is to someone who is neutral to me, perhaps the cashier at the market, or a doctor who spends his day in the operating room.
May [name or pronoun] be happy; may she be healthy….
Goodwill toward Enemies
The fourth round of metta opens the heart towards people who are difficult, whom we dislike or fear. This is how to pray for your enemies.
It acknowledges their basic needs as humans and extends lovingkindness without judgment.
In the process of breathing in and out with this mantra, I notice a distinct softening of my heart towards someone I may otherwise be tempted to curse.
When we are told to ‘pray for our enemies, for those who persecute and revile us’, I have found metta is one way I can follow that command with authenticity, without feeling like an imposter.
Often when someone asks me what one wish I would love to have granted, my answer is ‘World Peace.’
My favorite anthem is “Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let it Begin With Me”. Lovingkindness is the practice I have found to be faithful to that prayerful song.
Summary of metta
Repeat the following, beginning with self, followed by someone for whom you care, then someone for whom your feelings are neutral, and ending with someone you really dislike.
May [I] be safe
May [I] be healthy
May [I] be at peace
May [I] live [my] life with ease.
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