Hello and Goodbye – Which Do You Find Easier?
A few reflections on saying Hello and Goodbye
This reflection begins with seven questions to put a little light on something we spend a lifetime celebrating or agonizing over — whether ’tis easier to say “Hello” or “Goodbye.”
As you consider your responses to these questions, you may come up with others that illustrate this dilemma. This is just a start.
- Do you prefer an appetizer or a dessert?
- When you were younger did you look forward to the first day of school or graduation?
- Would you rather attend a wedding or a funeral?
- If you have ever run in a race or marathon, was it more exciting to take the first step at the sound of the starting bell or to stumble across the finish line?
- In a four-part symphony do you prefer the lyrical opening or the rousing finale?
- Would you rather plant seeds or harvest vegetables?
What these questions reveal about us
What do all these questions about hello and goodbye tell us about ourselves? I suppose an introvert’s answers may be different than the responses of an extrovert. Maybe not.
This isn’t research. It’s reflection…the process of thinking about the world around us as we continue to adjust to major and minor changes every day…sometimes every minute.
If I were a gambler, though, my money would be on people having a much harder time saying goodbye than hello. A simple reason is the existential fear of death. But what if we dig deeper than that?
Why is it easier to say hello than it is to say goodbye? Is it because with “hello’ everything is yet to be revealed? Possibility reigns supreme. Hope and promise fill our lungs, and for at least a little while all is perfect in our world?
When we say goodbye, we hold untold stories, regrets that can’t be changed, memories that haven’t yet had a chance to blossom, and, well, we just aren’t ready! Especially if the visit has been a good one.
The other side of the question of hello and goodbye
But is there another side to these questions? How do we say hello to a difficult diagnosis? Not as readily as saying hello to a new grandchild, I am sure!
And I am totally ready to say goodbye to unwanted extra pounds but not so much to the figure of my youth.
Ahh, we have bumped into dualistic thinking again. (See Problems of Lust and Yearning for a discussion of dualism in communication).
Rather than trying to lay judgment on whether it is easier to open the bread box or eliminate gluten altogether let’s look at some ways we can welcome change with a friendly hello and some ways we might create memorable good-byes – for with every choice in life there is both.
Does being an introvert make a difference?
I could make a case for “hello” being more difficult for introverts than extroverts but what is the context? As an introvert stepping into a room full of strangers I find saying hello to be one of the great challenges in life.
Does this carry over when I listen to an anonymous conversation about an issue I have always had strong thoughts about? Am I able to listen, to say hello to, new ideas?
For example, I was listening to a podcast the other day in which the speaker was defending a particular political position. I found myself unwilling to listen or entertain (to say hello to) their ideas.
I can’t say it is because I am an introvert. I haven’t done any research to find out if there is a correlation between introversion and being able to say hello to new ways of thinking. I was very ready to say goodbye as I switched off the podcast.
I also switched off the possibility that what he was saying held anything that was important to me. I prejudged because saying hello might mean changing a strongly held value for myself.
I hadn’t yet remembered that I can say hello to a guest without marrying him. I can say hello to a banquet of great food without eating it all. I can say hello to any religion, politic, or art form without owning it.
And I can say goodbye without slamming the door, without stalking off in a huff, without wounding an unwanted guest (idea, custom, religion, etc).
The pain of saying goodbye
On the other hand, goodbyes can be a whole lot more painful. How can we live fully when carrying a load of grief from so many goodbyes?
When we say goodbye, whether that is to a friend who is moving across the country, a child who is leaving home to begin her own family, or to a loved one who has finished their days on this planet, we are acknowledging a change over which we have no control. I tend to clutch with goodbyes…literal or figurative.
I stood up the other day and realized I am at least two inches shorter than I was a few years ago. Like everyone else who is lucky enough to grow older, we are called to say goodbye to our bodies piece by piece. Lately, I have been feeding my grief with food because I think it eases the pain, ignoring that it is hastening the goodbye!
So why not bring hospitality to
goodbye as well as to hello?
Some of my favorite funerals have been focused on celebrating the life of one who left. There is laughter, good food, and great memories. Do these things chase away grief? Absolutely not, but they do bring a balance where sorrow and joy can dance together. When my father died it would have been so healing to have someone help me welcome my tears – for tears are a big part of saying goodbye. Unfortunately for many of us, we can feel tears are not welcome at a celebration.
Goodbye signals a loss and creates a void. At the same time that we close the door on something, we can open a window and say hello to something else. This creates a current of fresh breezes coming and going as if our soul could breathe
The End. Goodbye…for now.
Photo credits by Unsplash: [goodbye-wave-by-mayank-baranwal; leaving-by-mantas-hesthaven; unpredictable-door-by-jon-tyson; grandchild-by-johnny-cohen; podcaster-by-soundtrap; funeral-by-ryan-crotty; open-door-by-jochen-gabrisch}
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