Three more lists besides a bucket list you may want to consider
According to a five-year survey from USA Today the three top items on singles’ bucket lists are falling in love (83%), going on a wine tour in the Napa Valley (53%), and changing someone’s life for the better (52%).
I knew a lady who celebrated her 80th birthday by checking off an item on her bucket list— sky-diving! Personally, I want to live longer than 80!
I am sure there are no two lists the same, but we all have one, whether it is formally written down and checked off like a grocery list or entertained silently and privately in our hearts.
I always wondered why we have a bucket list anyway. There is no magical power in having one. An unfinished bucket list doesn’t stall our date with destiny any more than an incomplete to-do list prevents the sun from setting.
OK — I confess that when I haven’t knocked out my ‘to-do list I really want to stretch the day a little longer. I remember playing ball with friends as a kid and hearing my mother call me to supper.
“In a minute! We’re almost done!”
Do we need to ‘finish’ what we are doing before we are free to stop, whether that is working, playing — or living? It kind of makes it a little hard to die, doesn’t it?
One reason I don’t like a bucket list is I feel the pressure of needing to hurry to get things done instead of going slow —
Slow enough to savor– to remember–to live fully.
Jasper’s bucket list
Though I never had the pleasure of meeting Jasper, I learned about him through a visit I made to his wife, Alice, shortly after he died.
When she opened the door, I stepped into their tiny bungalow and found myself facing a 69-inch high-definition TV.
“I’m so glad this TV arrived before he died. He wanted it so bad.”
Glancing around the room, I observed digital equipment up the kazoo…recorders, game stations, two laptops on his desk together with a tablet, a kindle e-reader still in the box, and three unopened packages from Amazon.
“What did Jasper do for a living?” I asked, expecting to hear that his work had something to do with all this equipment.
“He was a landscaper. He worked hard. Most of this he never got around to playing with. But it’s all stuff he always wanted. Thank goodness this TV came last week, so he got to see it before he died!”
I wondered to myself if they had children or grandchildren to whom he wanted to leave something special, but as the conversation went on, I learned Jasper had never had children.
A poignant smile crossed Alice’s face. “Jasper always said ‘He who has the most toys in the end, wins.’”
The stuff we leave behind
I am not against toys. I certainly have my share. But standing in Jasper’s home amid all his things, I could feel the weight of my attachment to my ‘stuff’.
Stuff obtained because the idea brought me happiness at the time. How many things does it take to get or sustain happiness anyway?
He (or she) who dies with the most toys— dies. Period.
And those toys become someone else’s responsibility to find a new home for or to dispose of. Woe is me! I think about what someone might find walking through my door after I am gone. Will it be a lot of toys? Yes. And books!
Will what I leave behind indicate that I lived an intentional life of creativity and adventure? Or will my stuff tell a story of someone to whom life (and death) just happened over the course of time?
Although we never know when and how we will die, we do have the opportunity to give it some consideration beforehand, and one way I do this is with lists.
Four important lists
First, a bucket list is for the person who knows the bucket is waiting to be kicked. It may reveal a life well-lived, or a life still in motion. For many, this is a list that provides motivation and momentum to accomplish important goals in life. It is personal, not always written, but often thought about as we age.
Secondly, there are lists that concern other people and things. I had a great aunt who had a list of every item in her small apartment with a tag on the back. It was her way of designating where things would go after her death.
I could never be this organized but I remember the ease of reapportioning the objects of her life to others.
The third is what I call a legacy list. It itemizes what I want to leave to my descendants or to people whose lives I have touched, or whose lives touched mine.
On this list would be my riches — a love for life, compassion for others, curiosity about what’s next, and perseverance to achieve dreams.
I would NOT list my successes, for if they are important, they will be known.
But I would list my failures, and beside each, I would say what I learned. The wisdom I gained, how it changed my life journey, and how I grew as a result.
I count every failure not as a black mark of shame but as a gem to treasure, to pass on.
I deeply yearn for people who read my lists after I am gone to find the riches hidden in their own failures. This is the wealth I want them to inherit.
And fourth, there is a list of what I want to be buried with me, even though in reality there is no way for this to happen.
This list would include the pain I have caused others— my unkind words, thoughtless actions, and unforgiveness.
This would best be used as a sanctifying list to write down and then use to grow while I am still alive.
If you were to make some lists, what might be on them? What would be your ‘why’? And when will you begin?
[Photo Credits from Unsplash: bucket-list bu Donald Giannatti; Electronic-toys by Andrew Haimerl; Books by Gaman Alice; Lists by Glenn Carstens Peters]
