How to Forgive Yourself When You Make Mistakes

How do I forgive myself?

‘Going down the wrong road’ is a common expression for having made a poor choice. This happens. To forgive yourself is the challenge.

Life doesn’t have an easy-to-read manual when we start out and we sometimes make regrettable choices.

We react without thinking, often doing what seems easy— at someone else’s expense. We fail to follow through with commitments.

And if you are like me, you pile up the guilt like parking tickets, afraid that someday they will come due.

The judge, in this case, is me. Why is it that forgiving others seems easier than forgiving me?

When I can’t find forgiveness for myself, I know I am lost.

I can’t get past the inner voices that taunt me with “Why did you say that?

See what you’ve done now. Ardis, will you never learn?”

As my pile of tickets for a lifetime of infractions gets higher, the deeper I get mired in the mud of my guilt, churning my wheels and going nowhere.

Learning to forgive yourself by driving on a mud road

Have you ever driven on a mud road during a spring thaw?

If you have never had the pleasure of this experience, allow me to take you on a drive in April in Maine.

When it has been raining a lot and the earth is beginning to warm, a road that is hard-packed earth in the dry heat of the summer becomes like chunky peanut butter in the spring.

If you don’t keep the car moving, you will sink, but if you move too fast (and that would be anything over 5 miles an hour), you take the chance of sliding into the ditch.

“What does this have to do with forgiving myself?”

First of all, finding forgiveness is a journey through all kinds of terrain and all kinds of weather.

This path to self-forgiveness changes every day and it is important to be prepared for the conditions of the road.

One day you are driving along with the sun at your back and your dreams on the horizon. You know you have a few regrets, but they are safely stashed out of sight.

On this beautiful day, all is well with you and your world. Then with a small turn in the road, you find yourself sinking in the mud over something that happened years ago.

It may be triggered when a passenger says “Look at that barn falling down” and you remember all the things you failed to maintain.

Or perhaps a squirrel runs in front of the car and you have a flashback to the dog you hit when you were driving too fast.

We have no control over when we will get triggered by a memory, a word, or a sight and we find ourselves on a different road. A mud road.

Is there a way out or are we destined to live life slogging through, unable to forgive the mistakes or choices we made because we are human…and fallible.

The role of a GPS in forgiving yourself

When I can’t forgive myself I know I am lost, and I’m so thankful for my GPS when that happens.

I don’t know about you, but I depend a lot on this little piece of technology whenever I need to find my way.

I know where I want to end up, but I am not sure exactly how to get there.

In the case of my regrets and failures, I want to end up free of the accusations of my inner voice, I want to move on to a place where I can hold my head high and I don’t want to be mired in guilt.

Finding forgiveness for myself is like finding a particular side street in a large city. I know it is there, but I have no idea how to get to that place without help.

That is unless I have a GPS.

To me, a GPS is all mystery. How does one satellite watch a million vehicles simultaneously and speak with the same voice to all the drivers at the same time?

But I trust it. Implicitly.

How can a GPS help me with self-forgiveness?

There is a GPS within each of us telling us where to turn and when to stop.

Sometimes we turn down the volume because we find it irritating, but it is there nevertheless.

Your GPS may have different names or accents. Some may call it God or the Universe; others may have a Muse named Agatha or an Angel named Michael. I have a friend whose GPS is the voice of his dad, who died decades ago. Some people call it Conscience.

This voice will lead us on the path to self-forgiveness if we are able to hear it.

What are we listening for?

Each of us will be different because we have been stuck for different reasons and have taken different roads to get where we are today.

I listen for words of assurance, love, and guidance. “You are mine and I love you.” “The past is gone; live today to the best of your ability. It is sufficient.”

“Let go of perfectionism. You are good enough.”

I listen for these words not only from within my heart which, frankly, gets drowned out with inner accusing voices, but I also listen for them from friends and strangers, from teachers, and authors.

I read scripture and spend time in nature listening to birds, and trees, and ocean waves.

All of these assure me that I am safe and loved and ‘good enough’.

This is how I find forgiveness for myself. I can turn to my GPS anytime I feel lost and know that I will find my destination.

There is nothing quite as reassuring as hearing “You have arrived” after a long, harrowing journey.

How do you know when you have arrived if your destination is forgiveness?

Well, how do you know you have reached any destination? If you don’t recognize any landmarks, it may be because you have never been here before.

Look around. What do you see?

Be like a tourist in this new land of honeysuckle and sunshine that opens up once you have found your way to self-forgiveness.

Take note of landmarks.

Are you breathing easier? Are colors brighter? What about noticing how many places to rest are available. It can be a long journey for some of us. Learning to forgive yourself is so worth the trip.

It’s time to begin packing.

CONCLUSION

Learning how to forgive yourself is about listening to your inner GPS – a voice of guidance and counsel to assure you that you are forgiven, you are loved and although you will never be perfect, you are good enough. We hear this GPS when we listen to friends, authors, nature, scripture, or conscience and trust the voice we hear.