The Art of Letting Go
(Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash)
Do you have a hard time letting go of things? Like when your children leave the nest? When beliefs no longer serve? When a relationship no longer has life energy within it…? When your dog dies? There is an art to letting go.
Our natural tendency is to hang on to what we have here and now even as we yearn for something different. This habit often keeps us stuck instead of soaring on in life.
I get a thrill watching a flock of Canadian geese passing overhead, swooping in graceful patterns as they let go of where they are so they can fly on to where they are called.
Whoever said ‘a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’ never startled a quail while walking through the woods, while standing in awe at its beauty and skill at not being caught. (Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash)
I wonder if that is because in our culture of abundance we have been taught ‘a penny saved is a penny earned’ and have absorbed this gospel of consumerist wisdom and apply it to life in general. So we cling to what we have and never arrive where we might be.
Why We Don’t Let Go
When it comes to riches I can’t speak to the practice of grasping gold, investing and accruing wealth. It’s not one of my experiences.
I can speak of other things that I clutch with tenacity. I suspect I am not alone. Clinging begins at birth when our primitive reflex is to clutch breast or bottle with tiny hands and accompanies us right into old age where we cling to habits and traditions.
We clutch what we know (or think we know) tighter than a dry cork in a vintage bottle of wine.
Our knowledge may have come from what someone with influence told us, from formal education, or the school of hard knocks.
Letting Go of Myths
Whatever we ‘know’ we will cling to and defend, sometimes way past the point of common sense.
Witness political debates as one scenario in which we hang tighter than a tick on a dog.
We cling tightly to our opinions based on what we ‘know’ and no one is going to shake us from our ‘truth’.
The only problem is, knowledge and truth are morphing entities. Ask any scientific researcher.
There was a time when physicians did not believe in germ theory. They performed surgery without even washing their hands.
I am so glad there arose one person willing to let go of prevailing ‘wisdom’ and change the practice of medicine to include sanitization.
We grasp at our personal truths as if they were a commodity that will blow away with the wind.
Photo by Matthew Hume on Unsplash)
When I was little I believed in a fairy godmother who left a dime under my pillow when I lost a tooth. (Teeth seem to suffer inflation right along with everything else!).
I also believed in Santa Clause until I caught ‘Santa’ stuffing my stocking.
(Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash)
Slowly I grew from this magical understanding to a mystical faith that guides my spiritual life today.
I wouldn’t have been able to do so without releasing my clutches on the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.
Releasing old beliefs to make way for the new comes with varying degrees of struggle as we cling to that which gives us hope.
When I eventually let go of my belief in myths from childhood I entered a season of sadness and a touch of distrust in all that I had been taught.
I might add that the Tooth Fairy stopped delivering dimes which may have been a catalyst for change in my belief system.
However, after I floundered for a few years without these doctrines of childhood, I embraced a deeper understanding and truth about the Spirit of Giving, and about the Love I had internalized in the person of a jolly old man with his team of reindeer.
Today I am, once again, a true believer but I wouldn’t have gotten this far if I hadn’t let go of myths from the past.
Releasing Old Habits
Releasing habits is another place that poses great challenges for many of us.
I rationalize everything I do as necessary, or at least important, and no one is going to easily talk me out of it.
One of the difficulties in aging is I find myself more and more entrenched in habitual behavior.
I cling to a certain bedtime, a particular diet, and even music…or silence I believe I ‘need’.
‘Letting go’ is a synonym for change, and change creates varying degrees of stress if not downright terror.
Even pets resist changes to feeding times and playtimes. As creatures of habit, we don’t easily let go of the familiar.
But what if we did? What is the worst that could happen?
One of our biggest challenges, forgiveness, is all about this process of letting go.
When I have been hurt I cling to my feelings as if being right is at risk. It occurred to me one day that I can let go of my hurt and still be right.
But to get to that place I have to let go of making the person who hurt me see things the way I do.
So why else would I cling to my wounded heart?
A therapist might suggest many reasons, but for me, it boils down to habit.
The habit of clinging.
Of clutching my own ‘truth’ regardless of the pain and suffering it is causing me at the moment.
The Art of Letting Go
as a Profession
Many years ago I went to the circus to watch trapeze artists perform under the big top.
One performer stood high on his platform on the right as two swinging bars passed back and forth over the vast space between him and his goal…the platform on the left.
His challenge was to grab the bar closest to himself, swing out over the safety net until he could grab the opposite bar, letting that carry him to a safe landing on the other side.
There was a split second when he released the first bar and hadn’t yet grabbed the second that he was suspended in space and at risk of plummeting 20 feet.
A split second that felt like an eternity.
This image sticks in my mind whenever I find myself clutching things.
(Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash)
That split second in which neither hand was on a swinging bar defines the essence of faith.
His victory was not only a physical feat but a tremendous act of courage in letting go.
Why It Is So Hard to Let Go?
When I find myself clinging to one bar I realize that both fear and unawareness of what may be on the other side are paralyzing me.
I think about this image whenever I find myself needing to let go of something— a habit, a grudge, a possession, a desire.
I am stuck swinging in the wind until I release my grip on what I know, what I have or what I desire, and grab what is swinging in my direction.
I have to let go of where I have been standing, and sail across an unknown field of risk and uncertainty before I find myself grounded again.
There are a number of ways to practice letting go.
Just like the acrobat who had to practice many hours to be able to cross over to what awaited him, so we have ways to practice letting go.
But that will be a good subject for another post.
In the meantime, I am going to practice letting go of writing this post and release my thoughts into the universe…or at least the blogosphere.
If you have reflections you would like to share about your challenges in letting go, please free to enter them in the comments below for others to learn from your wisdom.
(Photo by Michael Schaffler on Unsplash)
And a special request…if you enjoyed this essay would you share it with someone you know who might be struggling with letting go.
Thank you.
