WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT FEELING VULNERABLE?
“Life is precious.
Not because it is unchangeable, like a diamond,
but because it is vulnerable, like a little bird.
The newborn child and the dying elder both remind us
of the preciousness of our lives.” —Henri Nouwen.
What image comes to mind when you hear the word ‘vulnerable?’.
Is it a negative image of weakness and incapacity?
Or is vulnerability part of the preciousness of our lives, as Henri Nouwen describes it in the quote above?
Why vulnerability is important
First, vulnerability helps us open the door to new connections. If only for a moment, we let our guard down and engage with people on another level.
Openness allows us to see each other as more understanding and more trustworthy.
One of the hidden gifts of living through a pandemic is the discovery of vulnerability as a strength.
Touched at a deep level amid the many crises of 2020, we advance into 2021.
But not everyone can allow their vulnerability to surface for fear they may look weak.
Let me tell you about a man named Dave.
Dave was raised as a third-generation soldier to be ‘tough.’ He was sent to a military academy at the age of fourteen and never took off his uniform until he retired 35 years later.
He saw combat in Korea and Vietnam, earning many medals as well as a purple heart. A hero and respected by everyone.
But no one really knew Dave. He could never let anyone see him in pain. He was always tough, as he had been taught.
His stories and wounds were bound up so tightly in his soul that even his wife did not know who he was.
When Dave was no longer ‘in command,’ the vulnerability that he felt without his uniform was more than he could bear, and one bleak winter day, a shot rang out from the empty barn behind their house, changing the lives of those who loved and depended on him.
How would his being vulnerable have changed this story?
Dave’s world might have averted this tragedy if Dave had been able to open himself to others and share his accomplishments, fears, and adversities.
He could have helped many people had he embraced his weaknesses as well as his strength.
But to be vulnerable, we have to be self-aware, and that is where the rubber hits the road.
What does being vulnerable look like?
The first thing I do when I begin to detect something in my character that I think may not be the finest is I stuff it down quickly lest anyone find out that I have pride, or greed, or envy. Or all three.
I hide pain and sorrow because I don’t want to burden other people with my grief.
When I am nervous about public performance, I will bite my tongue. The pain is distracting.
The only difference between Dave and myself is that many kind and gentle people have been vulnerable with me, letting me see them cry, or panic, or run off stage.
We sit together, laugh together, and cry together.
With naked, exposed feelings, our presence is treasured by others because it carries a resonating message – ‘We are fully human!’
Ironically a community is strengthened by each member’s vulnerabilities.
Other gifts of being vulnerable 
Another gift of vulnerability is the creativity that emerges when feeling on high alert from nervousness or pain.
That is because we pick up on things around us that we never noticed before.
Perhaps something within that we hadn’t realized before. Some long-held, untapped knowledge.
Being vulnerable gives us an edge when it comes to creativity.
The big myth of vulnerability
I want to shatter the myth that vulnerability is about weakness. How is it possible that we are most vital in our most vulnerable moments?
The opportunities waiting for us are unimaginable once we open to the possibility of pain, rejection, sadness, or defeat.
To endure these things, we tap into a well of courage we would never have had reason to lift the lid on before.
Pushing past fear to be vulnerable with ourselves and with others strengthens us in the process.
It allows us to grow in more profound ways. We can understand another’s pains and sorrows when we have faced our own.
Being a stalwart New Englander, seldom given to tears or panic. I had to practice vulnerability.
It helps to be vulnerable with someone who is very close and in touch with their feelings.
Tears as a spiritual practice can move us deeper into Mystery, or God, or ‘highest self’ if we can show hospitality to our sorrow.
Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself. They may even be questions to journal if that is something you enjoy.
- What is my biggest fear or perceived weakness?
- What ways do I have of avoiding tears – my own or someone else’s?
- Who knows this about me?
- How is my relationship different with the person who knows about my tears than my relationship with someone who doesn’t?
- What strengths do I have that are hiding and unused behind a brave front?
Feel free to comment below if this article challenged any of your thinking about the value of vulnerability.
[Photos from Unsplash: Man in Uniform by -Palle Knudsen; Man in tears by Tom-Pumford; Newborn by Jill Sauve; Saxophone player by Danie Angele]
