What is the Value of Failure
The Value of Failure
From the Elder’s Creed comes a reflection on the value of failure. I believe my failures hold the seeds of wisdom that get planted in the world the older I get.
One thing I have learned in more than seven decades on this planet is that my failures have taught me a lot more than my successes. I may have learned about human behavior in a college class, but I can feel the pain and sorrow in another’s life because I experienced failure.
In my adolescence, I was a successful student, at least as measured by my parents and the educational system. Success was measured in good grades and later in getting a good job.
When I dropped out of school to get married my mother wept. I didn’t finish my education for another 30 years and avoided class reunions because I felt like a failure.
I had no great career, I had failed in a marriage, gone through bankruptcy, and in many ways failed to fulfill the prophecy that I would make something of myself.
Learning from Failure
But this journey taught me things I could never have learned on a traditional path of success.
I discovered inner strength that I didn’t know existed. I brought to my work in nursing, chaplaincy, and ministry an openness of heart that was shut tight with judgment in my ‘successful’ youth.
I discovered patience and forgiveness as the fruit of my failures.
These all can be filed under ‘wisdom’ and, believe me, wisdom cannot be learned like mathematics or philosophy.
Wisdom from Failure
So how do we acquire wisdom from failure? We don’t receive a diploma for flunking out, failures don’t generate an income, and there are no monuments built for someone who goes through bankruptcy, or rehab.
One thing I know about you, although I may never have met you, is that you have failed at several things in life. We all have. And from those failures, we have been shaped like a loaf of bread to be who we are today.
Of course, we also have lots of things to be proud of, achievements that will be listed in our obituaries along with the list of our descendants when we die.
When I ask people what they want to be remembered for I haven’t yet heard “I want to be remembered for how I mismanaged our finances, or the many days I went to work instead of spending time with my kids.”
Most people leave this earth unaware of their value in others’ lives. I often wish that people who die could hear the eulogy spoken at their funeral. ‘She was such a generous person’ or ‘He was as patient as a saint with his children.’
These character traits are often kneaded and baked into us when we recognize our shortcomings and set intentions to change. Or perhaps we have been forgiven for grievous behavior against another and our shame is washed away by mercy.
Once we have tasted forgiveness and drunk from a cup of compassion we are changed at a deep level. It’s that inner growth that people bear witness to in a eulogy, forgetting that patience, forgiveness and compassion often arise not from our successes but from our failures.
When Others Fall
When I listen to my grandchildren it is not with the same ears I listened to their parents when they are about to make a disastrous choice in some area of their life.
When their dad was their age and about to do something foolish I reacted out of a puritanical mind that was shaped in ‘shoulds’ instead of a merciful heart that understands that each will have their own journey and that learning from mistakes has the potential to make wise and merciful citizens.
It’s the same reason we don’t rush to pick up a toddler learning to walk who stumbles and falls. He will learn where his feet are…and in the process discover that he has more ability and skill than he realized.
But we have to let him fall to do that. It makes me wonder why, throughout my earlier years, I judged myself so harshly when I stumbled and fell.
I anticipate more falls as I age, both physically and metaphorically, but I no longer sink into shame for having failed.
I am filled with gratitude for having learned that it is these falls in life that are shaping me to have compassion and mercy for others.
Ouch…who knew the journey to sainthood would hurt this much.
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