How to Welcome the Feeling of Vulnerability
What is this feeling of vulnerability?
Vulnerability – the scary feeling that arises when someone asks you to speak publicly or to explain why you made a certain decision. If you have ever worn a hospital johnny while waiting for an examination, you know the feeling. Are there any good reasons to welcome the feeling of vulnerability?
One of the most vulnerable decisions I have made in recent years is to write and then publish what I have written. I shudder every time I schedule a blog post.
What do you think of when you hear someone use the word vulnerable? Does it conjure up negative images? Do you imagine a weakling? Unfortunately, that seems to be the opinion many people hold about vulnerability.
Feeling vulnerable isn’t always nice, especially when someone burns you as a result of letting your guard down. But there is a positive side to vulnerability that I want to highlight.
Inner growth and joy from connections
When we learn to be vulnerable we open the door to new connections. I tried to count the number of friends I have met since becoming visible in cyberspace…in the hundreds! These connections call for various levels of vulnerability, but they all work towards inner growth and the joy of new relationships.
Vulnerability allows us to engage with people on a new level. It makes us both more understanding and more trustworthy. With our guard down, the door opens to a deeper trust in relationships. And we grow…deep as well as wide.
Self-knowledge and service to others
The more we open ourselves to others and share accomplishments, challenges, and adversities, the more it helps others traverse the challenges of their lives.
It also helps us grow because the more vulnerable we are with others the more open we are to improve our own self-awareness.
Self-awareness helps me come to grips with who I really am underneath my persona mask (that which I show other people). Most people only know me by the face I present to them. What would they think if they saw how nervous I really am to play my fiddle, share a poem I wrote, or post an article?
What is it that you feel too nervous about doing? These are the feelings that help us learn more about ourselves if we would listen to them.
Solutions to problems
When I am on high alert I often come up with my greatest ideas and best insights. I bet the same holds true for you. That’s because we pick up on things around us, things that may have always been there but we simply hadn’t previously noticed.
The other day I was totally lost in the backroads of Maine. I had left my phone at home by mistake and was sure I knew where I was going. Until there was a fork in the road.
It’s always a fork!
I was suddenly aware of the mountains to my left, a cornfield to my right, and a hand-lettered sign that had fallen in the ditch.
I stopped, shut off the engine and listened.
I could hear a tractor in the distance and I smelled the unmistakeable essence of silage in the spring. I was near a farm…and someone who could redirect me.
Of course, I then heard echoes of the conversation of “Bert and I” fame when Bert asked the farmer for directions and he replied, “You can’t there from here!”
There is nothing like the vulnerability of acknowledging you are lost! It pulls out every creative impulse you didn’t know you had.
The Gift of Strength
We are often at our strongest when we are in the midst of our most vulnerable moments. How is that possible? Especially when so many view the feeling of vulnerability as a weakness.
When we open ourselves up to the possibility of pain, rejection, sadness, or defeat, we are open to opportunities we couldn’t imagine.
I know a man who, as a teenager, could not break through his fear of illness and nursing homes to visit his own grandmother. But as he grew, he had many opportunities to confront this fear from which he developed a heart of compassion way beyond his early expectations.
We generally feel rather uncomfortable when we are at our most vulnerable moments. Though this doesn’t feel particularly great, it is where we can find our inner well of courage.
Pushing past our fear to be vulnerable with both ourselves and others helps us become a stronger person.
The Gift of Empathy
Allowing ourselves the feeling of vulnerability helps us get in touch with our environment. By getting in touch with the world around us, we start to notice more about the people in our lives, too.
I remember watching my son at the age of two helping his newborn brother hold his bottle. At some level he remembered how it felt to be hungry— and from that grew a desire to feed another.
There is nothing weak about vulnerability. Not at all.
Being vulnerable allows us to grow the most and as we can see from the above, we can grow in strength, awareness and empathy.
It’s up to us to decide which way we will grow and how fast. Welcoming the feeling of vulnerability is a good first step. If you don’t know where to begin, allow me to suggest reading Brene Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection”. She is THE expert when it comes to vulnerability.
Inviting the feeling of vulnerability as a spiritual practice
We can start by making ourselves more vulnerable to the people closest to us.
Think of vulnerability as practice: the more we practice the easier it will become when we allow our imperfect selves to be seen by others.
When we make a spiritual practice out of exposing our vulnerability we experience a deep inner growth that never comes by just reading about it.
So, the next time you write a poem, share it with someone.
The next time you make a big mistake, write about it.
And when you receive difficult news like the death of a loved one, or a serious diagnosis, don’t hold back your tears.
They water the path through a jungle of emotions to create a compassionate heart.
Your willingness to be vulnerable will bring healing to the world, one tear at a time.
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