Is There Any Purpose and Meaning to Aging?
Is there purpose and meaning in growing old? Am I the only person who struggles with this question?
I never fully understood the meaning and purpose of adolescence let alone old age!
But we don’t get to retirement age without being a teenager…and sometimes that lasts for decades!
I continue to ask “What do I want to be when I grow up?” “When is it time to retire?” and “What is my purpose in life?”
Then the big question— “What if?” What if I can no longer see, or drive, or take care of myself?
If you are like me, the answers are always changing. I am still waiting to grow up to see who I will be.
The value of having meaning and purpose
If we have a sense of meaning and purpose, regardless of age or circumstance, we have a framework for making decisions and how we want to live our lives.
Research has shown that having a sense of purpose is linked to a greater sense of well-being, lower levels of depression and anxiety, and better physical health.
In my life, I have had some difficult seasons of ill health with relapses of multiple sclerosis. I found myself dependent on others for some of my basic needs.
Doing vs being
Because finding purpose in our culture is linked closely with ‘doing’, I lamented about what I could produce from a wheelchair.
I learned that my purpose was less about accomplishing some set goal than it was about ‘BEING’. Who would I be?
For a season I was depressed and lonely as I wallowed in feelings of uselessness. It wasn’t until I realized that there was nothing that prevented me from ‘Being’.
- I could be patient, and loving.
- I could be compassionate and listening.
- I could be a light in someone’s darkness.
I didn’t need to ‘produce’ anything for my life to have meaning. I developed strategies to overcome my challenges and to give my life purpose and meaning. Over the years I was fortunate to have long periods of remission but each time I went through a flare-up I was changed.
The question I ask myself whenever this happens is “Has my meaning and purpose changed too?”
Challenges with aging
As we age, we may face many challenges that slow down our ‘production,’ and if our meaning and purpose are tied to how much money we bring in, how many mittens we have been able to knit, or how long it takes us to put away the groceries, we are in danger of losing a big piece of our identity.
Retirement can also bring a significant loss of identity and add chronic health problems or changes in mobility, and it may be enough to knock us into a deep well of despair.
If, in all of this, you lose your spouse or partner, you also lose the social status and sense of purpose that you had as part of a couple.
Is there purpose and meaning to sitting?
Despite all these changes, there are many strategies to find new sources of purpose and meaning. One approach is to focus on activities that align with our values and are also within our capacities.
This is exactly what lead me down a contemplative path for a few years. I couldn’t garden. I couldn’t go places independently. I couldn’t help others in any of the many ways I had in the past. With increasing double vision I couldn’t even read as much as I wanted.
But I could sit. I could listen. I could attend to my breathing as a form of meditation. I could make a silent and holy space to hold people and their concerns so that they might find rest.
I could be a light in the dark.
And it occurred to me “Is there a greater purpose than this?”
I have been in a season of remission from MS for over a decade. I have returned to walking and driving and, well, ‘doing’…writing blog posts, finishing several books, playing my fiddle… and building an online business.
Part of my goal with an online business is to encourage people who are experiencing life changes to ‘sit, breathe, and connect with their own light.’
This means different things to different people. We will all experience physical, financial, emotional, or relational losses as we age.
Our losses may not be so obvious to those around us. A loss of self-esteem, a loss of hope, of being able to fulfill a dream. Even our courage may plummet.
When we are in a place of loss one of the hardest things to do is to believe there are options. There are always options! Whether it be a temporary place of loss like hip surgery or a more chronic and debilitating reality of arthritis the first step is to find purpose in just sitting.
The power of sitting
The flame that sits on top of a candle just sits there and shines. If that flame is to ‘do’ anything more it depends on something else coming close to it. Let’s say a piece of paper happens to come close enough to get ignited. Now the flame sets off a fire with nearby papers, and before you know it the entire house is engulfed.
That is the power of a little light.
Never think that because you can only ‘sit’ you are lacking power. The question is, when someone comes close will they be ignited by your willingness to be a little flame, by having someone who will really listen, by your passion for living life with meaning and purpose?
Are you aware of the power of being still? Of letting go of ‘doing’ even for a moment so you can just ‘be’…
- be present to someone who needs you,
- be aware of a leaf that falls at your feet,
- be alive to each moment in your day?
What to do when sitting isn’t easy
Perhaps being still is not easy for you. If you would like to know more about stillness as a practice, check out Simple Spiritual Practices and see what ten minutes set aside each day can give you.
Wherever you find yourself on the continuum of being and doing, remember there is a purpose and meaning to it all.
Our job is to receive the gift.
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to send next week’s Reflective Pen!
