Yearning and Lust as Examples of Dualistic Thinking
What follows is how my thinking about the difference between yearning and lust led to Dualistic thinking. A dualistic mindset might be called black or white thinking. Either this is right or that is right, but both cannot be correct at the same time.
It creates the inability to see the world from more than one viewpoint, making it difficult to enjoy what life might have in store. It leads to conflict both at home and in the world.
To explore the problem of dualistic thinking, let’s ask a simple question and let the reflective process illuminate how either/or thinking can lead us in circles with little effort on our part.
Dualism of desire
What is the difference between yearning and lust?
I woke up with this question on my mind.
I yearned to turn over and enjoy a moment of early morning comfort and maybe an extra couple of winks of sleep.
Or would that be lust?
I wondered if it is holier to be a yearner – one who wistfully longs for something or a luster – one who is driven by passion?
This question alone was enough to get my mind into high gear, and soon my feet were on the floor, and my day was in motion.
The clock said, “3:21 AM.” (I suppose that may be a sign of passion, if not lust.)
From a website called Writing Tips, I tried to tease apart the salient difference between yearning and lust, wading through hankering, pining, and thirst along the way.
Perhaps my questioning is prompted by early teaching that lust is a sin, no doubt a reference to sex which, at least in my book, is not a sin but a gift and a blessing.
Why can’t one lust for nature? Or for world peace? Or for life?
What is passion?
Passion is the driving energy of lust. Passion’s energy is motion, and motion implies momentum.
We need all the passion we can muster if we want to see climate change, cures for Covid, and solutions to homelessness.
I easily tap into this driving energy when I find myself lusting for chocolate ice cream. Once I head in that direction, there is a momentum that is difficult to interrupt.
How does this happen? It is midnight. The household sleeps, unaware of my footsteps furtively shuffling towards the kitchen. (The first sign of problematic lust is secrets.)
One little spoonful won’t make a difference, and I reach for the container of cold relief to my lusting heart. (Sign number two – self deception).
Quickly, I wipe traces of chocolate from my lips, return the ice cream container to the freezer, and pad quietly back to bed, savoring the lingering sweetness along the way. (Sign number three – furtiveness and hidden joy)
Is lust a sin?
Lust, all by itself, is not, cannot be, wrong. There is no sin in passion, energy, or motion per se.
There is no sin in chocolate ice cream that sits inertly in the freezer.
So, where do we get this notion that it is wrong to lust and poetic to yearn?
Both of these words are verbs. And I learned in grade school that most verbs require objects – something that the verb acts on.
Therefore, it is not the verb ‘to lust’ or ‘to yearn’ that is problematic.
It has to be the object of my desire that trips me up. The chocolate. The sales on Black Friday. That shiney new object. Or might it be desire all by itself?
If I could mitigate desire in my life, I don’t think I would bump into the regrets that follow unbridled wants, whether lusting or yearning.
What is the problem
with dualistic thinking about desire?
Most of my goals are predicated on wanting to achieve something. My choices in life are a result of desiring either pleasure or relief from pain.
When I desire something, I tighten my grasp. I hold on to thoughts and dreams and ‘stuff’ with tenacity.
My grip is so tight that when alternatives arrive that may provide a better path, I cannot consider them.
My mindset sometimes get rigid. (Sometimes?) My desire has evolved into ‘having to have it’ which feels like a progression from yearning to lust which leads me to ask if there is a path from one to the other.
Is dualism developmental or a matter of degree?
Might dualism be developmental? I observe that a child’s innocent desire, or yearning, to know how to ride a bike is soon replaced with a passionate desire to have a bigger and better bike than their neighbor.
Or is the difference a matter of degree?
I know people who are passionate about issues of discrimination to the degree that they are willing to protest and even go to jail.
They lust for justice. Their energy is all-consuming and powerful and focused.
I yearn for justice, but I have not participated much in activist events.
However, the energy behind my yearning feels extremely prayerful. It guides me towards supporting those who have passion—those with a lust for their beliefs.
Conclusion
I stumbled on the problem of dualistic thinking by asking a simple question – “What is the difference between yearning and lust?”
“Either – or” thinking. Things are either good or bad, black or white, important or trivial. Trying to define the difference in language like yearning vs lust demonstrates the futility of this kind of thinking.
In the end, the world needs both Yearners, those who desire without grasping, who approach life with creativity, who lean into possibility with hope – and Lusters, those who use their passion to follow their dreams, who put energy behind their beliefs and produce change.
I would ask which you are, a Yearner or a Luster? But then I would have trapped you with the same kind of thinking I want to avoid. A dualistic mindset is what separates people, creating wars and destruction and death. My hope is that the world might move in the direction of “both-and” thinking that we might live together with more peace.
[Photo Credits from Unsplash: Question mark by Marcel Strauss; Activist by Clay Banks; Grasp by Joshua
Reddekopp; Chocolate ide cream by Tamas Pap; Making up by Kinga Cichewicz; Black&white by Alex]
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