Dekker

Dekker Gives Advice to People with Questions

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Dekker gives adviceOnce a month Dekker gives advice to readers (and sometimes their cats)   for wise living from a canine perspective.   

What follows are his reflections on several problems humans live with. He reminds people he is not a therapist, nor a lawyer.

He is a Dawg.

One hundred percent Dawg – although his owner suspects there is a piece of Divinity in his soul.

But then, isn’t that typical of most pet owners? What follows are his responses to what was in his mailbag recently. 

  • Alice wants to be more cheerful in spite of the pandemic.
  • Benjamin asks how to be supportive of another person.
  • Claire seldom knows how to act in certain situations
  • Deborah’s children spark a question about pretending to be someone else
  • Eben wonders about memories.

Dear Dekker,
I’m finding it hard to stay positive with
all the uncertainty around the pandemic.
How do you stay so cheerful?
Thank you, Alice

 Woof – Alice – Are you still living in yesterday, when the pandemic had everything locked down? Or are you living with fears about tomorrow wondering what to do if things don’t get better? You will feel better if you choose one place in time and live there.

. I live in this moment only! In this moment I know that I have someone who loves me, I trust them to feed me, I get to snuggle with them.  I can smell supper. I can feel the sun when I go out. And the rain on my fur. Woof! And I can curl up beside someone I love.  Does anything else matter? 

 Dear Dekker,
I want to be of support to the people
around me. You are a support dog.
How did you learn to be such good support?
 Thank you, Benjamin

Woof, Benny! Learning to support people is not easy. I had a lot of training. I went to prison for almost a year and a half to learn what I know. I don’t recommend prison for you.

I had to learn to listen. And one of the ways I was taught to listen was with kibble. I heard the trainers speak of “positive reinforcement.”

I am not sure what that means, but every time I did my job right I got a piece of kibble.  Give me a piece of kibble or scratch my ears and I listen really well.

What you may need to feel supportive is the skill of listening. People probably won’t scratch your ears, but you can reward yourself with a bit of kibble when you are able to be still and quiet enough for them to feel heard.

Dear Dekker,
I often find it difficult to know how to act in certain situations.
How do you know exactly what your person needs?
Thank you, Claire

Woof woof! The simple answer is to wait and see. Every situation is different. Sometimes I am expected to lie down and be quiet and other times I am expected to bark and call for help.

Sometimes I am expected to pick up something that fell on the floor and sometimes I am supposed to ‘leave it’.

It is difficult to know without being alert, listening and the secret key –  love.
It is easier to listen with love.

I use my nose to sniff out interesting smells too, like when she is afraid, or lonely. and I can smell a few others things too.

Like when she needs a clean pair of socks, but I don’t bring her any unless she asks. That would be rude.  Knowing what someone needs and rushing to fix it without being asked can get me in trouble.

Dear Dekker,
My children are always playing dress-up and
pretending to be someone else?
Do you ever think about
being another kind of dog?
Thank you, Deborah

Woof Deborah, woof! No, not since I was a pup and I thought I wanted to be a human.

I wanted to eat their food, sleep in their bed, and play ball all day. I thought it would be pretty neat to be a human but not any more. They worry too much.

I do have a dog-friend, though, who is a tiny Boston Terrier and he thinks he is a giant bull mastiff.

No one told him that 25 pounds won’t stop people, or dogs, or cats from invading his territory.

And I live with two cats who periodically think they are trapeze artists or hockey players.

They play ‘let’s pretend’ in old cardboard boxes and sometimes dress up in clothes left lying around.

Me? I am happy being a dawg.

Dear Dekker,
I’ve been cleaning out some closets and found a box
of old photos that brought back memories.
Do you have any special memories
of times with your person?
Thank you, Eben

Woof woof! The thing about memories, Eben, is I only remember when I can smell or taste or see from what was past. My memories are all stored in my body – the smells, the voice, the touch – and so I don’t need boxes.

I was not given a box with things from my prison years because it would be difficult to let those smells go and I wouldn’t be moving forward well with my new person at all.

I watch people hang onto photos and journals as if they were bones. Meaty bones at that. I wonder how they can taste today when they are gnawing on yesterday so much, but people seem to get a lot of pleasure from these old bones.

I have a wonderful memory for things like what happens right after supper (I get to go out) and how to behave when my jacket goes on.

These things I remember because they are about my present day.  Woof Woof. Thank you for reminding me that it is OK to let the past go and really appreciate what I have today.

 

 

Ardis Mayo
Latest posts by Ardis Mayo (see all)

  • Judith Scarborough

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    Hi Dekker, thanks for the good advice this week. The part about keeping old journals really spoke to me. I have been working on clearing out old things, but have held onto the journals. Now I can see where they can be keeping me in the past and I am ready to let go of them. Thank you for your wisdom! Blessings ?

  • Susan Gale

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    Ahh, Dekker, you were an enormous support to those in prison with you. Best of all, you taught them how to love. Such pride the people would have when you would learn a new trick.. Their faces would light up with sunshine from within. You gave them what success feels like, probably for the first time in some of their lives.

    As always, staying in the moment, coming from a place of love, and being oneself are the best practices! You are so wise.

  • Eleanor Miller

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    As always, Dekker, you are right on point. Thanks for the wise woofs.

  • Susan Shofner

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    Thanks to Dekker for more terrific advice! Especially like the last bit about letting the past go and appreciating what today offers. As the years have piled on, seems like my looking back increases. There is still time to create and enjoy new events and memories. Here’s hoping something memorable happens today!

    • Ardis Mayo

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      Woof Woof…”when I look back all I see is my tail. That is why I follow my nose…”

  • Robin Meservey

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    Hi dekker I am upset about all of this mask wearing I wish there was something that we could do. Please anything you can suggest. I would love to hear it

  • Ellen-Dara Perfit

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    Dekker…………..
    You and your special person always have some word or phrase that hits me just right and I really appreciate that. Living in the moment is something you and my cats do so well. I have to remember to try to do that more. Do you think that if I went in circles before getting in to bed, that would help?

    I, too, have been going over old photos and being very affected by them and yes, hanging on to them like bones. Sometimes this isn’t good and we have to bury the bones in order to move on. Do you have a special place to share that you bury your old bones in???

    And yet, as humans, is it important that we remember our history and our family past? And who should be the keeper of memories? Are there bones that shouldn’t be buried?