Dekker Opens His Heart to a Grieving Widower
If you are a new reader of TheReflectivePen, please let me introduce Dekker, a British Black Lab who graduated at the head of his class as a service dog extraordinaire!
No one knew then that he had a great writing talent (but not so much for typing…that’s my job).
Together, we get his canine advice out into the world to encourage people to really listen to their animals…cats, dogs, or even goats…although I have never heard anything from a goat that I would want to put in print!
Do write and tell us what your canary (or lizard or any other pet) has to say to you.
Dear Dekker,
I lost my wife of 50 years last spring. Everyone says time heals,
but there are holidays all year long: New Year’s Day,
Valentine’s,and anniversaries… and I dread them.
How do animals handle grief?
Thanks, Thomas
Woof woof, Thomas,
Your heart must feel like a bowl that’s been tipped over and emptied. We dogs know a lot about empty bowls – they hurt our tummies. But an empty heart? That’s a deeper kind of hurt.
When my “cat-sister,” Eliza died, I didn’t try to fill the empty space right away. I curled up where she used to sleep and pressed my nose against her blanket to remember her scent.
Some dogs howl – not because they think their loved one will come back, but because their hearts need to make that sound.
The holidays are like a big beam of light that makes the empty spaces more visible. Humans try to “keep busy” or “stay strong,” but you know what?
We animals just let ourselves feel sad when we’re sad. We also let ourselves wag our tails when a good moment comes along, even if we’re still missing the one we love.
Maybe instead of dreading the holidays, you could do one small thing each day that helps you remember her – like using her favorite coffee mug or humming her favorite song.
Dogs are pretty good at living in the present moment while keeping our loved ones’ scents in our hearts.
Leaving you gentle head bumps and a soft paw on your knee,
Dekker
Dear Dekker,
I hear you go to church with your human.
Do dogs pray? What do you think
about during the quiet times?
Thank you, Pastor Jim
Woof woof, Pastor Jim!
You ask a deep question that deserves a thoughtful tail wag, although my person doesn’t believe my tail is attached to my brain…
Yes, we dogs do pray, but maybe not quite like humans do.
When everything gets quiet in church, I notice how the sunbeams shine through the windows, sometimes lighting up the pianist’s music.
She really complains about that—says it’s hard to read. Perhaps if she leaned into the light like I do she would feel the warmth and not worry about the notes.
But you asked about prayer… I give thanks (I think you would call that a prayer) for the smell of wooden pews and all the bodies sitting there.Did you ever just inhale and exhale?That is a prayer all by itself.
I think people call these moments ‘blessings’…and I receive them with thanksgiving from my comfy soft bed beside my person. I believe a ‘thank you’ prayer is my most frequent prayer. I wonder why everyone doesn’t get a comfortable pillow like me—they might pray more.
After the service is over, I get to greet lots of people, and I express my ‘thank you’ with my tail. Do you suppose that is why God gave me a tail? It doesn’t seem to have any other purpose.
My prayers in church are no different than expressing my gratitude when I am home…tail wags, big eyes, and resting my head on my human’s knee.
I hope this helps…
Dekker
Dear Dekker,
Do you ever dream?
My dog runs in his sleep!
Thanks, Nighttime Observer
Woof woof, Nighttime Observer!
Do I dream? Oh boy, do I! Just last night I was chasing a squirrel who was riding a bicycle (which seems unlikely now that I’m awake). When you see us twitching and running in our sleep, we’re probably in the middle of a grand adventure!
Sometimes I dream about work – my paws doing their important service dog tasks, but everything’s a bit silly, like helping my human float instead of walk. Other times I dream about endless fields of tennis balls or kibble bits that never run out.
But you know what’s really strange? Sometimes I wake up and can’t remember if that friendly cat I was playing with in my dream was real or just a nighttime story my sleeping brain told me. Do humans have that problem too?
The best dreams, though, are the ones where I’m just lying in the sun with my human, doing absolutely nothing. Funny how even when I’m sleeping, I dream about sleeping!
Sweet dreams and peaceful tail wags, Dekker
Dear Dekker,
Sometimes I forget things, but my cat always
remembers when it’s dinner time. Do animals
have better memories than humans?
– Forgetful Friend
Woof woof, Forgetful Friend!
Memory is a funny thing! While I remember every treat I’ve ever eaten (or wanted to eat), I sometimes forget where I put my favorite squeaky toy. But you’re right about meal times – my internal clock is as reliable as a rooster’s!
We animals are pretty good at remembering the important stuff – like who gives the best ear scratches or which neighbors have treats in their pockets.
But humans? You remember amazing things like how to drive cars, read books, and operate those funny little phone things.
I think we just remember different things. Your cat remembers dinner time because, well, food is life! But I bet your cat can’t remember where you put your reading glasses (though I bet he knocked them off the table).
Don’t be too hard on yourself about forgetting things. Even my super-smart service dog brain sometimes forgets which paw to shake with.
The important memories – like love and friendship – those stick with all of us, whether we have two legs or four.
All else is useless detail.
Memorable tail wags,
Dekker
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