ARE YOU IN DANGER OF CAREGIVER BURNOUT?
CAREGIVING IS TOUGH
Larry’s wife, Bessie, dressed in a nightgown and thin sweater, wandered away from their home on a snowy night and showed up at a house where the light was on.
The neighbor had friends over for supper, but of course she invited Bessie in and gave her a cup of tea and a cookie while phone calls were made. Eventually, Larry, accompanied by a first responder, arrived to escort Bessie home.
The episode, which must have felt like hours to Larry, lasted about 30 minutes. When the friends gathered around the table to finish their dessert, they talked about how difficult it must be for her husband.
There were no leisurely conversations for Larry, no jovial suppers with friends, no going home to normalcy.
He could not even go to the bathroom without worrying about what his wife might do next.
Sleeping with one eye open and attending to his wife’s every personal need, he had no respite in this journey of caregiving. And Larry is not the exception.
CAREGIVING IS A LONELY CALLING
In the U.S. an estimated 53 million caregivers help a spouse, parent, or child with special needs. According to the 2020 Caregiving in the U.S. report from AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC), 61 percent of caregivers are women.
Social services help people like Larry, daycare programs help, and prayer helps, but in the end, caregiving is a lonely calling because people who staff those programs go home to their families.
Friends who occasionally stop by leave to attend their other responsibilities or perhaps go out for supper.
The caregiver has no place to go. He or she is always home, always on call, always awake. And always denying the danger of burn out.
No time for that ‘luxury.’
It may be time to
GET A FREE CHECKLIST FOR
YOURSELF OR A FRIEND
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THE PICTURE OF SELF-CARE
I am not a therapist, life coach, or doctor. It doesn’t take a professional to know that a caregiver’s attention to his or her own needs is the best prescription to avoid caregiver burnout.
So what does self-care look like?
Caring Bridge has a list of 25 ways caregivers can care for themselves.
They are beautiful suggestions. I encourage anyone who struggles with caregiving to check out this list.
But what do you do when you have no energy to do the things on the list, like pick up the phone? And ‘stretch and breathe’ is almost asking too much?
PERMISSION TO FEEL
That’s when you have permission to cry.
Tears are not a negative thing. (Don’t tell that to a New England Redneck.) Tears are a gift that brings balance to a barren soul the same way a downpour of rain will revive vegetation that has been sitting in a drought.
If the person you care for is a spouse, this may the first time you have wept without being held and comforted by your loved one. Or you may be a ‘tough guy’ (or gal) who doesn’t cry.
Yet.
That’s okay. Even if you can’t cry yet, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
GET A FREE CHECKLIST FOR
YOURSELF OR A FRIEND
Click Here
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING…
WHAT HELPS AND WHAT DOESN’T
Acknowledge the loss.
When you’re an overwhelmed caregiver, what you may genuinely need is an acknowledgment of the weight of loss and grief. We need permission to rant. To weep. To mourn. Without judgment. Without ‘help’ to cheer you up. A caregiver on the edge of burnout doesn’t need to add ‘getting a grip’ to the list of things to do. (Read more about caregiver lamentation.)
Be gentle with yourself.
Along with acknowledging the pain of this journey, it helps to be as gentle with yourself as you would with a fragile orchid. Tend yourself lovingly, expose yourself to light and air, and treat yourself to your favorite food.
Nourish both your body and your soul.
There is a tendency for caregivers to take on the restrictions and participate in the passions of the one who is receiving care. You end up eating hot dogs every night because that is all she wants. Or you watch football games (which you hate) because that keeps him quiet.
Get yourself a pair of earbuds and listen to whatever
nourishes your soul. The individual ear ‘pods’ are the best,
because you can listen in one ear and keep the other
open for your loved one’s needs.
And it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t encourage you to write
Use a journal. – Use a notepad. – Use an iPad. –
Use your phone. -Pen letters.
But write.
Are you experiencing caregiver burnout?
Find a way to release your story. You will be glad you did.
Write and tell me about your story.
I care!
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Other articles you may enjoy.
- “What is Caregiver Guilt”,
- “A Service Dog Speaks to Caregivers”,
- “Learning to Lament, a Guide for Caregivers”.
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