Memoir Writing: Can You Bury the Past and Tell Your Story?
The question, “Can you bury the past?’ surfaced as I contemplated whether to resume work writing a memoir that had been gathering dust for a couple of years.
The deeper I delved into this writing, the more I unearthed memories I was hesitant to include.
Memories I had buried, but unlike interring a body that returns to dust, when we bury memories, they seem to possess an eternal life.
They resurrect when we least expect them, catching us off guard with their vivid clarity.
Letting bygones be bygones
My mother often used the expression “Let bygones be bygones,” but that isn’t always the easiest thing to do.
I believe she was talking about forgiveness, or at least that’s where I think she was coming from.
When my sister and I would have an argument, Mom would stop me from bringing up the issue the next day… or even the next year.
She felt it was best just not to talk about it. But isn’t that where we begin to bury everything that’s upsetting, to ourselves or to another?
A buried hurt from an argument or an unkind remark thoughtlessly blurted out does not die. If we bury it, we are burying it alive.
Burying things like this is not really the same as forgiveness. I’ll use gold to explain.
The difference between gold and a memory
If I spend a gold coin, it’s gone. I will have used it to purchase something that seems necessary or desirable.
Or I can bury it, though I might choose a bank account instead. The point is, I can dig up a gold coin anytime I want.
My intention with tucking a piece of gold away somewhere would be good—I don’t want to lose it.
But if I’ve been hurt by your comment and I follow the advice to bury it, it has no value to me when I unearth it.
It may be something that has stood between us for years, or it may have long ago been forgotten as we moved on.
In any case, a buried memory, once unearthed, can come alive again. And it cries out to be heard.
Challenges of writing memoir
This is one of the challenges of writing memoir, and as I discovered, there are many more. Another challenge I faced was deciding how much truth to tell.
My memoir is based on my memories, but memory is a tricky thing. It’s subjective, often colored by emotions and perspectives at the time.
As I wrote, I found myself questioning the accuracy of my recollections.
Was I remembering things as they truly happened, or had time and reflection altered my perception?
This constant self-doubt can be paralyzing, making it difficult to commit words to paper.
Ethical issues
Then there’s the issue of involving others in your story. Our lives are intertwined with those of family, friends, and acquaintances.
In sharing my experiences, I realized I was also sharing parts of their stories.
This raised ethical questions: Do I have the right to reveal their secrets or portray them in ways they might not appreciate?
How do I balance honesty with respect for their privacy? It’s a delicate dance, one that requires careful consideration and often, difficult decisions.
Judgment
The fear of judgment is another hurdle I encountered. Opening up about personal experiences, especially those that are painful or embarrassing, leaves us vulnerable.
I found myself worrying about how readers might perceive me. Would they understand my actions and motivations? Would they judge me harshly for my mistakes?
This fear leads to self-censorship, causing us to hold back, and potentially diluting the power of our story.
I grappled with finding the right structure for my memoir. Life doesn’t unfold in a neat, linear fashion, and neither do our memories.
They jump back and forth, often triggered by seemingly unrelated events. Trying to organize these scattered recollections into a coherent narrative that engages a reader without confusing them proved to be a significant challenge.
I had to learn to weave together different timelines and themes, creating a tapestry that reflected the complexity of life while still maintaining a clear narrative thread.
Memoir’s many faces
As I navigated these challenges, I realized that writing a memoir is not just about recounting past events.
It’s a journey of self-discovery, a process of making sense of experiences and finding meaning in the chaos of life.
It requires courage to face our past, honesty to confront our truths, and creativity to shape our memories into a compelling story.
Unearthing memories
In the end, I’ve come to understand that while we can’t truly bury the past, we can choose how we unearth it.
Through the act of writing, we have the power to transform our buried memories from silent specters into powerful tools for healing, understanding, and growth.
It’s not an easy journey, but it’s one that can lead to profound insights and, ultimately, a deeper connection with ourselves and others.
Is it worth it to begin writing a memoir?
Given these challenges, you might wonder if writing a memoir is worth the effort, especially if you’re an older adult who doesn’t consider yourself a writer.
I’m here to tell you that it absolutely is. Your life story is unique and valuable, regardless of whether you’ve lived what society might deem an “extraordinary” life or not.
For one thing, writing about your life can be a powerful way to make sense of your experiences. Just as I’ve grappled with buried memories and complex emotions through my writing, you too might find clarity and understanding by putting your thoughts on paper. It’s not about creating a literary masterpiece; it’s about exploring your own journey and the wisdom you’ve gained along the way.
Memoir as a gift
Moreover, your stories are a gift to future generations.
Think about it – wouldn’t you love to read an account of your grandparents’ or great-grandparents’ lives through their eyes?
By writing your memoir, you’re preserving your experiences, perspectives, and the historical context of your time for your descendants.
You’re giving them the chance to understand their roots and to learn from your experiences.
So don’t hesitate to start writing, even if it’s just for yourself or your family. You don’t need to be a professional writer or aim for publication.
Write in your own voice, tell your truth as you remember it, and don’t worry about perfection.
Your story deserves to be told.
Who knows? You might uncover buried treasures of memory that enrich not only your own understanding of your life but also touch the lives of others in ways you never imagined.
If exploring this writing path sounds interesting to you let me know in the comments.
Check out more reflections every Sunday morning.
“It only takes a spark to get a fire going!”
