What Do People Mean When they Say They Are Not Religious?
Is it necessary to align oneself to a set of creeds or a place of worship to be considered religious? What is inside of people that sees them through difficult times?
Let’s take a peek into the lives of a particular family…
John and Mary
John knew very little about religion, nor did he care much. His values included doing his best, being kind to others, honesty, generosity, and enjoying life.
When asked about God, John was agnostic. That is, he felt there may be a God— for others— but he didn’t really believe in God… angels, or anything he couldn’t understand.
Then John fell in love with Mary, who had gone to Catholic schools from kindergarten on.
Today she speaks of her faith as the foundation of her life.
Along with going to Mass every week, she has a personal practice of Bible study, prayer, and service to the unhoused in their community.
Matthew, Mark, Luke,
Rachael and Rebecca
John and Mary have five children…none of whom go to church as adults. Matthew became a Buddhist and tends his garden by day, writing poetry evenings.
Mark joined the army and serves as a medic overseas, and Luke spends his days hauling lobster traps.
Their twin sisters, Rachael and Rebecca are both artists, often working on opposite sides of an easel to bring color and design to life with the mysterious energy they share for this creative work.
And none of them profess to believe in God or consider themselves to be religious, although out of respect for their mother, they never argue about it.
A Test of Faith
The day Mary collapsed from a blockage in her heart, the entire family gathered around her bed to watch her breathe with the hum of a ventilator and the constant attention of CCU nurses.
“Do something, Dad,” the girls said almost simultaneously. “If this were you, Mom would be saying three Hail Marys and calling a priest. Don’t you know any prayers? Should we call a priest?
“I don’t know what to say. Your mom has been faithful in praying for every one of us, but I don’t believe the way she does.
She talks to a God she knows and can listen to. The only thing I know how to do is work on the farm and care for the cows. Perhaps Matthew could say a prayer.
Individual Experiences
Matthew, her oldest son, was seen as the only religious one of the siblings, yet he was never able to explain to them the difference between meditation and prayer…and that he didn’t believe in God even though he spent long hours in meditation and seemed to his siblings to be ‘religious,’ whatever that meant.
Mark had seen so many horrors as a medic in a war-torn country that any hope that there existed a merciful God had long ago disappeared for him.
He did all he could not to let his bitterness cloud this gathering.
He could only mumble a few sarcastic words and pulled away from the family gathered around her bed.
Luke stood silently, unable to stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks.
He had always wanted to be a believer like his mother – able to express his faith freely and openly, but he wasn’t a talker.
Religion at sea
He had spent many years on his boat, witnessing the great power and mysteries of the open sea, making a living from the abundance of its deep waters.
He survived more than a couple of major storms, and one time, when it looked as if he would not make it back to shore, a large shipping vessel appeared on the horizon and was able to help him back to safety.
Luke had no words for what he believed, but he had no question about the existence of a Source beyond himself.
He had seen too much to deny it. He felt alone in this family that stood around Mary’s bed — and he was speechless.
He wasn’t able to utter a prayer. He wiped away another tear and could only feel shame for the ways he had never been able to be there with his mother.
Why the girls avoided religion
Rachel and Rebecca, always together, finishing each other’s sentences, kept themselves busy fixing Mary’s bedcovers, arranging flowers, talking about what to get for supper for this family that had not been together for a meal for several years.
When it came to matters of religion, they remained mum. With their family, but most remarkably, with each other.
Religion was the one subject they never discussed…not after Rebecca had had an abortion when she was younger.
Questions to ponder
The questions I have are, “Does this family believe in God or not? Are they religious? Where does each of them draw their faith?
Each, for their own reasons, turned their back on the religion of their mother and found their own path.
To me, that is the basic freedom we are all born with, which is worth celebrating.
But there is something about standing in the thin place between life and death that calls each of us to examine not so much ‘what’ we believe but ‘do’ we believe.
And as I look at each of these family members, I would say the answer is yes. I cannot put a definition on what it means to believe, however. It can’t be defined by articulate confessions that align with any particular religious creed. That only defines one’s place in their mind, not one’s heart.
Let’s look at each person to see
why I would say this…
John – a humble man who spends his days with cows. He is up before dawn, and his labor is repetitive and satisfyingly connects him with the earth. He is part of the sustenance for many people.
If you have never worked on a dairy farm, you may not understand the faith it takes to continue day after day because the cows need to be fed and milked, even though the market may be dropping and the future is patently uncertain.
You would need to walk his walk over the 50 acres of earth that gave her all to support him and his family to know something of what he believes.
Matthew has chosen a path that reaches deep into the unknown and provides him with a daily practice of silence and listening.
Because of his simple life, he is happiest when his fingers are in the earth and his mind is focused on something beyond his five senses.
Luke pulls sustenance from the sea for others, risking his life, trusting that he will come home every night.
His experiences of life and death are part of the fabric of his life as he continues every day to push off into the deep.
Mark may be the most damaged in his soul by the horrors he has witnessed. Is it really necessary for him to acknowledge a God that would allow such suffering?
Or might he one day connect the dots of what it means to serve, finding he has reached deep into his core to find the courage and strength to face life and death every day?
Rebecca and Rachael have been greatly impacted by doctrine and dogma to the point that they pulled back in pain from organized religion and its rules.
They will forever be impacted by the cruelty of religion as practiced imperfectly by the people around them, but the existence of their expressions of creativity is evidence that they are still connected to a Creator.
Will they ever discover this connection? Maybe. Maybe not.
Just the ability to be open enough to create on a canvas tells me that at a level, probably too deep for them to acknowledge, they are still very much connected to something ineffable.
What do you think about this family? Are they religious? Does it matter?
How have their lives been impacted by formal religion? Or not.
I hope you have found a few morsels to reflect on and perhaps share in the comments below.
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