What Does it Mean to Live with Authenticity?
What does it mean to live with authenticity? I have never given much thought to who the REAL Ardis is—underneath my fears, beneath my fantasies, even behind my clothes.
Do I wear things to influence what I want others to believe about me? Of course, I do. Else I would have only jeans and sweatshirts in my closet.
I claim authenticity as a core value but I haven’t really examined it. And because writing is one of the best ways to discover what we believe I shall venture forth…
Authenticity and family
An authentic person lives by his or her stated values. I value home and family.
Yesterday I had my granddaughter and her kids over for lunch. That felt authentic. It’s what grandmas do. I didn’t pretend to enjoy myself…I really did.
However, I don’t often connect with my other two granddaughters. Does this mean I am not being authentic?
What does it mean to be an authentic Grandma?
I could name a couple of older women in my life when I was young who were no relation to me but terribly authentic in their grandmothering of me.
I guess blood relationship isn’t the criterion for authenticity. Is it about treating everyone the same?
That seems inauthentic to me.
I wouldn’t buy the same gift for each of my grandchildren. Why would I need to be available in the same way?
Each of them has a life that over the years has asked for different ways for me to engage. I value being able to meet them where they are as individuals.
Values of Authenticity
Another value I have is physical and mental wellness.
I am not doing all I can to stay healthy. I talk about healthy eating, all the while adding chips and ice cream to my grocery list.
I won’t bore you with my excuses to avoid walking or cycling. I suspect you know what they are anyway.
I am beginning to improve my sleep after a long struggle there, but then I sabotage it without thinking.
My mental health is directly related to not only sleep but my daily practices of meditation and journaling. Sometimes I go a day or two without either. So am I authentic?
I value education…reading, practicing and listening… and often fill my free time with these activities.
I sometimes get out of balance listening to webinars and reading books on how to write blog posts instead of just writing them.
The dopamine hit from learning something new may be at fault for my being addicted to learning new things.
I often start a new book before finishing the one I just began. Having 2 books open at once is doable….but not a dozen, which happens with owning a Kindle.
Am I educating myself, or stuffing my brain with irrelevant data? I would be less than authentic if I spent my time watching TV or going to football games.
I am not sure authenticity is equivalent to being ‘right’ about anything. But it is about being consistent.
I value friends, both local and online, but I am remiss in spending the time and energy it takes to nurture these relationships the way I wish I did.
Yet when I ask myself if I am who I am, instead of trying to be popular or well-liked, then I would answer yes. I am grateful for friends who cherish me just the way I am.
And I value curiosity and experimentation, which may be why I go down so many bunny trails.
These are only a few of my values and as I look at them, I am in danger of judging myself as less than perfect. Thankfully perfection is not a criterion of authenticity.
Authenticity is not perfection
Perfection is not and never will be an aspect of authenticity. Some of the most authentic people I know readily admit their faults and they never make excuses.
They do their best, own their mistakes, and forgive themselves for falling short. My favorite example of this is author, Brenè Brown. You can find her books here. My favorite is Gifts of Imperfection and I just started reading Atlas of the Heart.
An authentic person’s authenticity is not clouded by pretentiousness, nor is their value lessened by a lack of perfection. They celebrate each step they make, stand up after every stumble, and speak what they believe, allowing others to believe differently without feeling threatened.
It is authentic for some people to live simply and with joy.
It is authentic for others to amass great wealth with great humility.
The gift of being exactly who you are without needing to justify or explain to anyone is the mark of an authentic person.
While I fall short of my values I do take small consistent steps toward them.
Who I am is who I am…warts and all. And that, to me, is the essence of authenticity.
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