Five Ways to Stay Calm Without Losing Patience
Losing Patience and Where to Look for It
Have you ever lost your patience? Did you set it down somewhere and walk off? Where do we even begin to look when our serenity is gone and we feel like screaming? Or what about losing our temper?
When someone’s anger gets released into the universe, and they say they ‘lost it,’ I want to reply, “No. Your temper isn’t lost. It is right where you released it.”
They may mean that they lost their grip as if holding strong emotions on a leash like a dog. If we spent more time training with our feelings, would we not have to grip the leash so tight?
I heard someone say the other day that he lost his ‘cool.’ I wonder – did he lose it or give it away?
I wish there were a lost and found box for such things. Someplace we could go and see the missing ingredients that are so important for happiness and relationships and, well, dare I say it, World Peace?!
After reflecting on impatience, and lost tempers and missing ‘cools,’ I see that one thing they have in common is they are all slippery like eels, ice, or oil slicks.
It’s Difficult to Put a Leash on Anger
You can’t put a leash on them, and the last time I tried to train an eel, I wasn’t very successful! Trying to kennel some ice or an oil slick presents the same dilemma. They will ooze through the wire and be gone in a flash.
Whether losing patience is because of this ooze factor or releasing our temper because we didn’t have a tight grip on it in the first place is immaterial. When they are gone, they are gone.
If you multiply the number of people in the world losing their patience, or their temper, at any given moment, is it a wonder we have conflict?
What if we could create a lost and found department that would return patience and tempers to their rightful owners? Would they take them back, or is there some benefit to living without them?
When I struggle with slippery concepts and world peace in the same breath, I often turn to Mother Nature to see how she deals with these things. Have you ever seen Mother Nature losing patience?
Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.“
What would happen if we could bring this thought into ’21st century society?’
We have whole segments of research that are intent on increasing productivity and efficiency.
Can you hear the conversation in the board room now? “If we move the coefficient of thermonuclear power to the denominator and multiply that by total geophysical capacity, we can get as many as two, maybe even three cycles of the seasons in one year.”
It doesn’t matter if we are talking about capitalism, socialism, or oligarchies – there are forces at work trying to move things faster, produce more, and create all the things humans desire. This collective loss of patience in the world is a significant factor in destroying everything we hold dear.
What Can a Forest Teach Us About Losing Patience?
When we escape to the forest and have conversations with the trees, and flowers, squirrels and birds, we can reconnect with the existential patience that we have lost and begin to enjoy the benefits.
We might see the wisdom in letting children take as long as they need to learn, without judgment, or allow older people to take as long as they need to eat or think or express themselves, without disregard for their slowness; we might be willing to send a letter by snail mail instead of instant messaging.
Moliere observed, “The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.”
Because we have put monetary values on speed, we settle for poor fruit as long as we can get it to market faster.
Conclusion
Here are five things we can do to not lose patience, to keep a leash on our temper, and to keep a grip on our ‘cool.’
- Slow down – remember – the tortoise won the race. Be like an old redwood tree – rooted in ancient ground and slow-growing.
- Breathe with intention. Take 1 minute every hour to inhale to a count of four and exhale to a count of six until it becomes a habit. A habit that will kick in when life hands us the next stressful experience.
- Make waiting a spiritual practice. Whether we are waiting for the water to boil, for an idea to blossom, or for someone else to understand our point of view, if we can see waiting as wordless prayer, there is a shift that happens inside. It isn’t as easy to scream in the middle of prayer.
Smile – we often forget that what our bodies are doing impacts what we feel and how we come across to others. Instead of only smiling when things are perfect, practice smiling at unexpected intervals during the day or even when a tiny irritation makes its way under the skin. It is also hard to smile and scream at the same time.- Go for a walk. Walking as one more wordless prayer is my fallback when I cannot practice any of the above. Walking provides a place for anger-energy to dissipate and time to return to my breath. Inhaling, I connect with the air that sustains me, and I smile. Exhaling, I release that which has me troubled. And I smile. Though hidden for a moment, I find patience is right there with me, and anger walks by my side like a trained dog. It is not trying to escape. And I keep my cool.
[Photo Credits : exhausted-woman from Deposit Photos ; From Unsplash – tortoise by Joel M Mathey; nature-walker by Riko Boccia; forest by Lukasz Zmigiel; smiling boy by Abhidev-Vaishnav;
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